Buying a Wii U

Well...it looks like I'm gonna buy a Wii U... Now I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking the exact same thing. WHY

And the answer isn't a good one, the answer isn't even a logical one in my case. My reason for wanting to get a Wii U is to replace my Wii. Some would argue that is actually a sound reason, why repair a broken Wii when you can just wait a bit and get the new system which supports the older games plus we're allowed to transfer our digital games over. Well that logic would function under the conditions that the system being replaced was....well...worth replacing.

I have maybe 25 Wii games in all (more on Virtual Console because let's face it the best games on the Wii were made 15 years ago). Of those 25 games there aren't really that many worth a damn as I mentioned in a previous post. Outside of Mario Galaxy and Metroid there really aren't many good Wii games. So the logic of buying a Wii U as a replacement Wii is already faulty from the start.

But hey, the payoff is owning Nintendo's next generation console right? Right?? Well there's a flaw there too sadly. Ya'see the first problem is within the statement itself "next generation console." Sure remove the word "Nintendo" before it and it makes no sense at all when you analyze what we're actually getting. Because what we're getting isn't "next generation" at all unless it's quantified only in the realm of Nintendo which in THEIR case...yeah...I guess it's an "upgrade." But in the case of REALITY it's simply what we already own now with PS3 and Xbox 360 graphically speaking. Some argue it won't even be on par with those exactly.

Which leads me to a point I made before about how fucking useless the Wii U will end up being. Once again it will lag behind the other 2 graphically which you might argue why is that a problem, I'm no graphics whore! Well that's fine and good neither am I, but the problem is the same one the Wii had where it won't get any ports from the other consoles due to its severe technical limits. I know Nintendo doesn't give a shit, as always they prefer to sell their own software, but there's going to come a time when their consoles can't make money off of Mario's back alone anymore. The age of the gaming mascot being the key to success is no longer a viable option, and hasn't been that way for a couple generations of gaming now.

But here I am on the precipice of my own petard which will surely be my undoing. The mere thought that the Wii U may somehow break this mold that I have shaped for it leads me to purchase the damn thing. Under such false pretenses I will be sitting, mouth agape as the years and months drone on with nary a game to claim the purchase worthy...

Yet still I won't be rocked by this revelation, no. My purchase somehow will remain truthful to my intellectual foibles whom trick my normally sound mind into agreeing that the 6 or 7 good Wii games have been preserved through this new (probably overpriced) device was in fact....a good decision....Explanations for this are lost to me like a fart in the wind if you will with even less obvious traces. Regret will come as quickly as my insertion of such games as Elebits, Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn, and the ever terrible Zelda Skyward Sword. Such games deserve no preservation, no, they deserve an accursed disc drive filled with tiny metal spikes and no laser diode. A disc hell if you will, forever spinning in torturous uncertainty.

In the end though, it will be I suffering in that spinning metallic inferno. Doused with the knowledge and immediate regret that comes with owning a Nintendo product these days I will surely begin doing the obvious gamer's math. Gamer's math is, for those who don't know the equation below:

Stupid Shitty Thing = X number of good video games. Buying the 3DS and 2 shitty games for instance led to my math telling me I missed out on roughly 6 good video games I could have bought with that money.

So clearly what we're making here isn't a logical choice but something more profound, something deeper. A need to preserve the old really, that's what I've figured out. I am a desperate man in need of being able to always play my older games whatever the cost. If I suddenly fancy the whim to pop in Galaga on the Atari, I can. I take solace in this knowledge and I pay gladly for that solace. But it isn't a logical solace...no....and I hate myself for that.

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For those wondering my Wii sounds like a buzz saw attempting to slice its way through a tank. After a brief time the game freezes and my TV goes batshit with a louder buzz sound of its own. Luckily without a disc in it my Wii still functions.

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*My friends and I used to have a joke about what would survive a nuclear holocaust? Cockroaches and Nintendo products....oh how the mighty have fallen...*