I posted this in my other blog, but...

I posted this in my other blog a while back, but feel it has a place here. Go ahead and read that blog too, at fultonrants@blogspot.com.

When I was but a young boy, I began playing those most epic of games, Final Fantasy. They have always been my very favorite RPGs, as I am sure is true of many of us, but the feelings of joy and unadulterated happiness I used to feel every time a release date drew near have become dread and horror. Some recent news about Final Fantasy XIII, which I until now hailed as a savior for the series, has turned my very blood cold. This is the last straw. You, Squeenix, have betrayed my trust for the last time.This is a chronicle of how I, a once die-hard Square fanboy, became a bitter, angry Squeenix-hater.

Long ago, when I was around nine or ten, I was a firly lonesome boy. I didn't really have a lot of friends my own age, so I knd of hung around with the younger kids who lived in my neighborhood. We had little in common, but at that age, you were where you were, so I made the best of it. Until I met Dan. Dan was a kid a little bit older than me who lived up the street from me, and had that most sacred of instruments; The Super Nintendo. We hit it off fast, and soon, I was spending hours in his basement, playing Mario and Zelda, talking about Star Trek, and that was that. Until, that is... that golden day, when Dan recieved something new, something I had never thought of before... Final Fantasy III. To this day I remember the first question I ever asked about it: "If it's a FINAL Fantasy, how can there be three of them?" Dan nodded sagely, scratched his chin, and imparted to me the sacred wisdom, that he had, in fact, NO idea. Grinning, we set about playing the game. Here was something i had never seen the likes of before... an overworld. Once you got an airship, you could fly it whereever you wanted. Zelda had had something similar, of course, but not on this kind of SCALE! The turn-based battles that allowed you to think things through, the magic spells, the use of multiple characters at once... it was incredible. I remember sprawling, monstrous summons, and a deep story that I felt like my parents would be mad if they knew I had read. In time, I didn't see so much of Dan anymore, but I will always remember those days, when I first began to become the gamer I would always be. From that day, I regarded Square on the level of godhood, like the great Nintendo or Sega themselves.

The next I knew of Final Fantasy was when Final Fantasy VII came out. I was young, and confuced as hell about the numbering system. Wasn't the last one Final Fantasy III? It would be years before I heard about the now famous numbering SNAFU that led to this, but I simply shrugged and went with it. Unfortunately, when faced with the choice between a Playstation or a Nintendo 64, I had decided to not repeat the mistake of the Sega CD, and went with the 64. This gave me little to no access to the game, but I do remember playing it in pieces at a friend's house. The new 3D graphics amazed me, and I remember being utterly amazed at the speed of the Highwind, and the size of the monstrous Weapons. The story was even better than III (now known to in fact be VI), with a villain driven insane by the awful things that had been done to turn him into a hero. Gone were the short, squat people I remembered; they had been replaced with graphics that looked like humans and were, dare I say it? ATTRACTIVE.

I heard nothing of this wonderful world of games for many years, until I was going to High School. There, I was good friends with a guy named Rick, who had played but not enjoyed his copy of Final Fantasy VII, and so, gave it to me. What ensued was a wave of years passing, during which I became obsessed. I played every Square game I could get my hands on. By this point, I had my own PSX, and a world of possibilities was open to me. I played the Anthologies, thus visiting the original games I remembered, as well as being introduced to many that were new to me. I played the untouchable Chrono Trigger, and it's amazing sequel Chrono Cross. I played Vagrant Story and Star Ocean 2. I played the incredible Final Fantasy VIII, of course, with mounting joy.

Then, it happened. Final Fantasy IX. The game that was then, and in many ways will always be, my favorite RPG of all time. It was not without it's flaws, but Zidane's bright attitude and Vivi's tragic story held me in sway. Backed up by classic gameplay with a few twists, it easily ate hours of my life. With a smile on my face, I couldn't wait to pilot my strangely literal airship on a sea of mist. Thus ended what I now call the golden age of Square, and began what is now tainted forever in my mind as the Age of Squeenix.

The Playstation 2. Arguably the most popular videogame console of all time, this system is still in production today, despite the PS3 having been released years ago. With it came a whiole new wavelength of games and graphics. One day, I flipped open my Playstation Magazine, and there, printed before me, were the three letters I felt I had been waiting my whole life for: FFX. With baited breath, i read the article, frantic for any word whatsoever on this wonderful game. I soon discovered that the battle system I had grown to love would receieve a few tweaks. I had no worries, though. How could SQUARESOFT make a bad game, after all? In the months to come, when the game was finally released, I found myself to be a strange mix of satisfied and dissapointed. The game had indeed been excellent, with voice acting, action scenes, music I adored, and fun, though simple, gameplay. However, a small but inescapable cloud fell over the game. There was no overworld. I had been looking forward to flying a beautiful airship around a lovely, ocean blue planet, eagerly landing in unexplored places to seek all the strange and new secrets the world was sure to hold. Instead, i got to pick locations from a menu, and play a built in sports game.

This sadness was cut short as Square again shot me full of joy, with one of the greatest games they ever made, Kingdom Hearts. This odd mix of Final Fantasy storytelling and art direction with beloved Disney characters and locations was a surprise hit, to say the least. The very idea sounds absurd! However, I loved the game, and my doubts about Square were set safely aside for the time being. Little did I know what awaited on the horizon. Final Fantasy X-2 (Yes, that's said Ten two) was coming. At first, it made sense. "AH," I thought. "THAT'S why they didn't let you fly an airship! They knew they were going to make a sequel, and they didn't want to leave a question as to why you couldn't find the locations you visit in X-2 in the first one!" Nodding to myself, I waited happily for the game... only to be tragically dissapointed. It wasn't a BAD game... it was simply silly and thoughtless, which felt harsh and strange after the fun, deep world of X. Still in denial, I chalked it up to the natural order of things. After all, not everything is perfect every time. Even Square could make mistakes, right?

Shortly after, the Squeenix incident occurred. Square was hemmorhaging money fast after they had spent so much money on their relative failure of a movie, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Personally, I found the film to be excellent, but fans in general were crestfallen. They didn't want this new story. Most of them wanted Final Fantasy VII, but on the big screen. (Ironically, they would later get just that, and proceed to complain about it, too. You simply can't please a fan.) This combined with a bunch of other things caused Square to be bought out by Enix, a rival developer, and one who's games I had NEVER enjoyed. With a heavy heart, I purchased the first game to be released under the SquareEnix label, and was pleasantly surprised. Kingdom Hearts II was fun and intriguing, a somewhat darker counterpoint to the original. Maybe, I said to myself, things weren't so bad after all.

Then came the dark ages, from which we have never risen. The days of Final Fantasy XI. The game was designed to be a completely online experience, much like WOW, and frankly, was doomed from the start. Not only did you have to buy the PS2's optional hard drive to play it, but you had to shell out a monthly fee to be connected. I know very few people who even bothered. Those who did paint a bleak picture. Gone were the wonderful characters and events of games past, gone were controlling your parties in a turn based battle, gone were the days where puzzles took time and thought. All of this was replaced with grinding. Grinding, for those not in the know, is when you fight monsters for hours to level up your character to a point where the game becomes easier. They took a beautiful, tried and true system, and abandoned it comepltely.

Heartbroken, I waited for the day when Final Fantasy XII would be released, hoping for something, ANYTHING to dull the pain. Finally, that day came. The classic system had not been restored, so it played exactly like an MMORPG. That was bad enough, but I musceled past it. Suddenly, it happened. I realized what had been removed this time; the story. Where before there had been lovingly crafted tales of fantasy and worlds we could never even imagine, now there was a 70 hour treasure hunt. The absolute low point came for me when, in the course of the "story", a term I use loosely, it became necessary that a world famous Captain, who was in your party, reveal that he was alive and well. Instead of having him do that, they have you, a 17 year old street kid, PRETEND TO BE HIM. The utter lack of logic so defeated me that I broke inside. Not only was Squeenix crushing my childhood, but they were assuming I was an idiot, too.

With that, I put up my Final Fantasy belt. Many games have come and gone since, mostly in the Final Fantasy Tactics and Crystal Chronicles franchises, but I don't have the heart to even rent them. My very soul cries out in torment at the thought of not being first in line for a Final Fantasy purchase, but there is nothing to be done. The only rays of light come from a strange place: the PSP. Oddly, the few Final Fantasy games released on that system, specifically Dissidia and Crisis Core, were actually pretty good. For a while, I thought that this was indicative of things to come.

Suddenly, there seemed to be a silver lining. Final Fantasy XIII was on its way, and it was supposedly turn based again. It seemed to me that they were finally listening to the outcry of the fans, but recent revelations indicate that it was, in fact, not to be. Though the gameplay is of a more classic nature, they have gone one step too far. There are no longer towns in Final Fantasy, because SquareEnix has decided that they are simply "too hard" to program. They also throw around words like "archaic". The joys of shopping, visiting the Inn, of seeing what life is like in a strange new world, are gone. The world map is insanely linear, with no exploration to be had. It has been said to me that the first six hours of the game are literally in a straight line. These accusations, should they prove true, are the death of this series for me.

Final Fantasy was, to me, about exploring a fantasy. I loved the exotic locations, I loved that there were complete worlds to explore, and above all, I loved the quality. I played these games as a child not because of the popularity, but because of what the name Square meant. It guaranteed quality, it guaranteed that even if I didn't enjoy the game, I would be able to see the love and effort put into it by those who made it. No longer. The games have become lazy, and too absorbed with trying to make money off of pretty graphics and shallow gameplay.

Every Final Fantasy since IX has lost some major portion of what once was the very core of the series. X abandoned the beautiful overworld. XI abandoned the classic party system and turn based gameplay. XII ditched the once lovely story in favor of mindless droning. And XIII... XIII has abandoned what was most important of all... the atmosphere. The towns and shops and random exploration that made the worlds fell ALIVE. I once believed that the new generation of systems would bring an end to shallow games.

I hope to the god of games that these thoughts are unfounded, and that, in a little less than a month's time, I can post a retraction with a song in my heart and a smile on my face. However, I can't help but think back to the day I was a small, lonely boy in his neighbor's basement. I can't help but feel that now I know the answer to the question I asked that day. In a world where swords and spells are fast being replaced by grinding and guns, maybe the day has finally come where it makes sense. Those worlds that meant so much to me are gone. Maybe they really were my Final Fantasy.

Final Fantasy 13 - Battle System

While my opinion of Final Fantasy 13 overall is not entirely a favorable one, I also do not think it to be a bad game or bad by Final Fantasy standards in general. With that said, I do think it has the worst battle system of any Final Fantasy game in the main series (yes worse than 12).

For the uninitiated, Final Fantasy 13 utilizes what is called the Paradigm system. This means nothing without explanation of course. What it means though, is that each character has set actions under a specific title given to it, or easier explained they are temporary job classes that can be changed on the fly. Those jobs are, Commando, Medic, Ravenger, Sabatour, Synergist and Sentinel. The goal of the system is to continually keep your party in check using the appropriate skill-set needed at a specific time to either keep your party alive, or ensure the enemies stagger meter keeps going. The main goal of every fight is to raise the enemy's stagger meter to the max, break it, and then kill the enemy quickly.

While on the surface this system seems interesting, it falls apart in various ways. The first major issue I have with the system is what it actually stands for. In this game you can only control one character, that being your leader. The remainder of your team is controlled by the AI and does actions assigned to the paradigm they have set currently. So the paradigm system in the end has one and only one major function, and that is to give the AI only a very specific set of options to use and hope it does what you want. While the AI is limited, you are also unfortunately very limited to your own role and what you decide to do as the leader. To make this easier to understand why this system is not only horrible and tediously restrictive, but also to show how poorly it was implemented I will break up the issues I have found by class.

Commando: I'll start out with the game's least offender of problems. The commando class is essentially the Warrior class allowing the computer to use basically attack and blitz, blitz being an attack that affects many enemies. It is entirely straightforward and keeps the enemies stagger meter up, but does not increase it. How does the AI screw this up you ask? That answer is simple. If I want a team with two warriors, com/com/doesn't matter, the AI will attack whatever enemy I am not attacking, which is fine in some cases I may indeed want that. But I have NO choice in the matter. I can't further edit the Commando class to have the AI combo attack the same thing I am for some swift justice. Only if it is the ONLY enemy left on the field will the AI agree that it should also attack the same enemy I am.

This is just the first phase of the battle system telling me I am not allowed to decide how I want to play the game.

Ravenger: My issues with the Ravenger class stem less from the class itself and more from how the battle system is designed overall. But don't get me wrong the AI still manages to screw this up anyway. This class is the Mage essentially, and only casts offensive magic. Every enemy in the game has some weakness or immunity to one magic or another, however, the AI in all it's wisdom has no fucking clue what that weakness is unless you cast Libra. The game forces you to cast Libra JUST so the AI knows how not to be a retarded mess. Once Libra is cast the AI now knows the weakness, but it's a waste of a turn if you ask me. I KNOW the enemy's weakness 90% of the time without Libra, I've played RPG's since I was a wee lad so these games tend to make it obvious. The mere fact that because I cannot control my party means I have to play teacher for every new enemy just so the AI does what I want it to do pisses me off to no end.

So after Libra, how does the AI still manage to be a dumbass? Well it does manage this, oh yes it does. After an enemy becomes staggered you are given the ability to launch the enemy in the air preventing it from doing any damage at all. Now, I don't know about you but I want this to happen ALL the time. Here's the rub, Ravenger's only ability to launch an enemy is Aeroga (or however it's spelled) point is the AI will tend to not use this spell when I want him to, you know all the damn time after stagger. If I COULD control him that's what I would have him do. Even if the enemy is not weak to Wind, I don't care, I want that beast floating around till it's dead.

But I don't get what I want do I, no I'm playing Final Fantasy 13, the game on rails.

Sentinel: The Sentinel class is a defensive class that allows the user to literally just not die. It provokes surrounding enemies to attack only the sentinel in which next to no damage occurs. Oddly, this is the only class the AI does not manage to screw up, but I still hate it. I hate the idea that I need it (and yes you actually have to use this class). I've played countless RPG's and never was it my strategic prerogative to defend, ever. There was no need for it, even if my mage ran out of magic I'd still prefer it to attack for the measly 15 damage it could do or throw out some items. But again, I'm playing FF13 so I don't get to play the way I want to play.

The enemies in this game after a while literally force you to put up a Sentinel and either heal, or buff with the other two classes just to survive long enough to cast offensive spells. Now this is great for bosses, it actually makes you think you're outsmarting them, but when you have long 7 hour stretches of fighting enemies and waiting for the retarded AI to cast the CORRECT defensive buff (read Synergist section) on every fucking encounter, you start to want to kill yourself. Seriously, it annoyed me that much.

Sabatour: Sabatour is the class that casts debuff effects on enemies, ie slow, pain, etc. This one is funny to me. My annoyance with this class comes from my very own need to develop my own strategy in a game I've come to realize simply won't let me. The Sabatour class is the only class other than Commando that also keeps the stagger meter going without dropping briskly while having the added benefit of causing debuffs on the enemy. I love this, and hate this, here's why....the STUPID FUCKING AI.

So often I'll find myself in a tight bind in this game, nearly dead after some super attack the AI did. I want to heal, but I don't want to lose my stagger meter, and I wouldn't mind debuffing the enemy in the process. Simple solution, medic/medic/sabatour. This works great, fabulous even...until...until the enemy IS actually debuffed. I'm not fully healed yet, and the AI decides to stop doing ANYTHING because it figures the enemy is debuffed enough.

Actual conversation with the TV

"NO NO NO AI, I want you to keep casting slow before I lose my stagger meter! What are you fucking doing???"

So once an enemy is debuffed the sabatour class is actually completely useless and you may as well forget you have one paradigm setting. Oh yes, did I mention you only have 6 different settings to choose from? *sigh*

Synergist: I've saved my most hated two classes for last. Synergist is the opposite of Sabatour, it buffs your party. There are many problems with this class, I'm not sure where to begin. I'll discuss how the AI is programmed I guess. I've played this game for 40 hours now, and routinely see how the AI operates, and I just don't fucking understand its reasoning. My party is Lighting (leader), Hope, and Fang. Hope is the Synergist if you didn't know, and the rules of this game state that if your leader dies, you lose, got it? Good.

So the AI when it first casts buffs casts them on who first? Take a wild guess. NOPE not the Leader! Well what about the Synergist himself? Fuck NO! The order of buff, and this never changes, is to cast it on the third useless character FIRST for no god damn reason. I don't CARE if the third character dies, the game ends if I fucking die! I wouldn't even mind if the Synergist buffed himself so he survives and buffs my leader. But NO he buffs himself last, which makes even LESS sense considering he has the lowest HP and can die very quickly. Again, if I were in control this would never happen. You want to know the shittiest part? Say I have Com/Syn/Sent up, guess who he casts protect on first? The FUCKING SENTINEL!! What sense does this make?

There is more...

You literally get no control in this game, have I mentioned this before? The only control you get is to tell the AI what set of spells or attacks he is allowed to use at a given time. Keyword, SET of spells or attacks. Here we have the Synergist, whom has...how do I put this...an ASSFUCK set of spells that you do NOT get to decide the order in which they are cast.

Actual conversation to the TV

"Hope...Hope! Cast protect on Lighting Hope...Anytime would be great...No I didn't want shell on Fang...I don't want shell at all. Nope didn't want Veil either. What the fuck does that even do (I found out later, and really don't give a shit about Veil). Waste more time please..."

That was a normal encounter folks, one of many...This happened through all of Chapter 10 I'd say.

So here's the deal, instead of allowing the user to further customize the Synergist (or any) class telling it specifically what order you want what, or to exclude this or that, you get NO choices at all and are simply subject to the AI's whims at all times. They will literally go through the order of buffing you with every god damn spell they have. It is a waste of time!

Medic: This is my most hated class for the AI to control. It encompasses everything about how the AI and battle system functions that makes it completely atrocious and every time I see the AI use it I ask myself this, "Why can't I control what my party does?"

Oh boy here we go.

So the healing class, probably the most important class in any RPG in the hands of an AI I can't tell what to do. In Final Fantasy 12 you could tell it what to do. You could specifically set its program to revive, to heal at a certain % of health or whatever, it was your call. The Medic however, is designed thus, to heal whatever character has the lowest hit points at the time. This is a detrimental design flaw, and really the only one that actually breaks the game sometimes. Bosses and some powerful enemies have devastating attacks that will send the whole team to red. You have to HOPE and PRAY that the character in your party with the LEAST HP is your Leader. Yeah that's right, you want your leader to be on the verge of death so the AI will heal it and you'll survive. That's a perfect world though, as I've had countless battles where the AI will decide to heal another character with lower hit points all for the sake of who the fuck cares. So my leader sits there dying, and often does with the next blow while the AI thought it to be a wonderful idea to heal the THIRD character whom means NOTHING at this juncture.

Why is it programmed this way? Wouldn't you ALWAYS want the leader to be alive? Wouldn't you always want it to have top priority? Hell at LEAST heal the leader if it is blinking RED, but fuck that, the third character has less HP, heal that instead. Stupid....stupid....stupid!

Here's another fun flaw in the Medic. The raise spell. What does it do? Brings back a ko'ed character. Fucking useless in a game where if your leader dies you lose the game. So the raise spell doesn't work on one of three characters. OH WAIT! It doesn't work on TWO of three characters either. That's right, the Medic himself also has no fucking use for the raise spell....cause he'd be dead.

It gets better. The raise spell is further useless to the AI because it will never fucking cast it unless BOTH remaining characters have near full HP. I have seen it go through 4 turns making sure both he and I were literally at MAX HP until it used raise to bring the third character back. WHAT....THE.....FUCK?

Conclusion: The sad thing is all of this could have been easily avoided if you were allowed to further customize how the AI operated in their respective class. While my personal preference would be to never ever let the AI control my party anyway, I would have liked more options, more choices. The way FF13 plays now I feel like I have no control, and I'm just paradigm shifting simply to stay alive and allow the battle to play out all by itself. There is no sense of accomplishment, no sense of actual strategy either. The AI just comes out and spams all its debuffs and all its buffs because it was programmed that way. Instead of having strategic uses for any of these classes you are locked in to simply just watching shit happen, oh and casting Libra to make sure the AI doesn't fuck up more.

The intentions of this battle system are clear, it was built for noobs, 5 year olds, people who like games on auto-pilot. This was not built for gamers, not built for RPG players used to setting up sound strategic options against tough foes. There is no sense of accomplishment with this system. There is never a critical moment where you saved yourself or your party because of a decision you made. There are no decisions to make in this game, there's only what the AI chooses to do. Oh, and did I mention you also have an option called "auto battle." Prove to me this game wasn't made for noobs and I'll mail you a cookie.

*lamest battle system ever*

Assassin's Creed Poo (or 2)

Assassin's Creed was little more than a really good tech demo when it came out. It had all the trappings of a great free roam game with stealth and assassination, but was bogged down with repetition and next to zero variability. While many gamers were turned off with this three note fiddle, I personally preferred that game to what Ubi Soft has given us with Assassin's Creed 2.

Story:

The story of Assassin's Creed 2 is arguably better than the first game, it is at least more fleshed out. Clearly the developers went out of their way to make us care about Ezio as opposed to Altiar from the first game. Very generally Ezio is developed over the start of the game. He's a ladies man, gets into trouble, we see his...birth? Yeah, so it really doesn't go into a lot of hard detail like a good RPG or a game where character development matters. I honestly wish I didn't know about Ezio. Everything we were given was too general to like him, and enough to know he has no business being as badass as Altiar was. For this reason I didn't feel like a badass in the game anymore like I did in the first.

The plot itself is more or less serviceable, but exists when it wants to and not when you expect it. By that I mean more often than not you are an errand boy for someone or another and then randomly Ezio will start to pursue his own ambitions. Ultimately it feels exactly like the story from the first game. The only notable differences are the parts with Desmond, and sadly he's even more uninteresting than Ezio. He honestly may as well be the silent protagonist except that he actually talks sometimes, but all he ever says are questions to prompt the supporting cast to tell the player wtf is going on. The only reasons it seems he has to stay with the group he's with is because of his ancestry and his cock wants the hot science chick.

Graphics:

There's not much to complain about here. Graphically speaking ACII does a good job. Lighting, textures, and really good water effects stand out for me. The only problems I notices were sometimes you can be standing on top of a building looking at other buildings and they will literally just start freaking out. It doesn't happen often, but the textures on the buildings will just start jumping around and going crazy. I lol'ed pretty hard watching that happen.

Gameplay:

This is where the game really falls apart. Perhaps the fault of not enjoying this follow up is my own. I played the first installment on the PC, which was a joy to play. Never did I encounter as many frustrating moments as I have with ACII. There are some serious design choices that I find very questionable in this game.

Firstly, a simple task of trying to run someone down. The free running in this game is more than just touchy, it has a mind of its own. I feel like the game is trying to play by itself and ignoring what I tell it. Often when I'm trying to run down a thief or rich nobleman to steal their gold Ezio will decide that he wants to climb the nearest whatever because it's fun or something...

Sometimes I'll agree, and try to climb said object or building. Another supreme design flaw crops up while climbing. Unlike the first game where every building was built like a ladder and you literally just went up, ACII said screw that and for reasons of "realism" tried to make the buildings more puzzle like and not a straightforward climb. This is fine sometimes, but not when you're already frustrated during a chase Ezio starts to climb and you didn't want him to. So frustrated I start pressing random buttons and he ends up leaping like a freak off the building and I take damage.

Even while calming down and trying to figure out the asinine control scheme of climbing buildings I still can't for the life of me ever make Ezio do what I want him to do unless I find the rare straightforward climb building and just go about my business.

But the biggest flaw with climbing is the stupidest design choice I came across with this game. The leap ability (or whatever lame name the game gave it.) About 60% of the game you are playing with a flawed and mentally ill Ezio, and you don't even realize it until you get this ability. It allows Ezio to JUMP higher to grab stuff above him he couldn't reach before.... This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Ezio has to learn a lot of simple basic Assassin things through the start of the game, makes sense to me. But why in the holy fuck doesn't he learn how to JUMP and GRAB ledges? He actually has to WATCH someone do this to understand the concept. It blew my mind. All those times I watched Ezio try to climb buildings and be RIGHT at the top only to just stare at it as I hold up, and NOW he fucking learns how to jump? What's worse is even before I got this "ability" I saw him nab things higher than those glitched unclimbable buildings I came across earlier. But to actually make it an ability gobsmacks me. This should have been available at the start of the god damn game. Not only that, you shouldn't have to enter a command for it, Ezio should just DO it on his own if shit is too high for him to reach. Further, who's fucknut idea was it to make the Grab command the SAME as the Release command? Should I even have to describe why that was a stupid as fuck idea? Of all the unused buttons on the controller they had to combine grab and release....so I find myself using the shitty jump command, only to have Ezio occasionally not do it, reach for my circle button (grab/release) and have it release me off the building and then I have to go find my controller because I chucked it across the room in frustration.

Another exploration gameplay element I loathed were the 6 stages you collect ancient shit to unlock a door that has the game's best armor in it. I won't delve into how stupid I think their security system is, but let me tell you, it's retarded. The issue I take is with those 6 stages. What are they? They are HUGE platforming areas where you guide Ezio through seemingly endless climbing areas to eventually obtain one damn miserable key. With Ezio having a mind of his own and his gimped climbing abilities, these areas are the shittiest I have ever played since the dawn of 3D gaming, and I am not exaggerating. You can spend 6 minutes climbing around trying to figure out where to go next, and then boom Ezio says fuck you and leaps like a freak off and you start all over again. They actually put checkpoints in these areas, like they knew you were going to hate climbing around this shit. WHO THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN? The game is called "Assassin's Creed," not "Jump from random shit to random shit" for an hour, you want to fucking kill things secretively.

I picked up playing ACII just after I got the platinum trophy on Infamous. I mention this because Infamous's exploration is a lot like ACII. The difference is that it's never frustrating. There's no "run" button, no "leap" button no "grab" button no "release" button. There's move the stick that way press X to jump, shit works. Learn from them please!

Combat:

The combat is largely unchanged from the first game, which is fine. The combat really boils down to waiting for the enemy to attack and counter him. They attack you one at a time just like last time. The only real improvement is now you can taunt, negating having to wait for them to attack you can actually prompt them to attack. There's a new type of counter now, you can take their weapon, but it results in the exact same ending as if you did a regular counter. Ezio does learn some new things, but I honestly can't remember what they were because all you have to do is use the counter command.

Music:

When it's noticeable, the music is astoundingly good. I didn't dislike a single track, and eagerly awaited prompting the next melody. Very well done, a vast improvement from the first game.

Overall:

I enjoyed ACI more than ACII. Somehow they made ACII more complicated for no reason. Sure there were flaws in ACI, but instead of improving or fixing those flaws they added more of them to ACII. It's a shame really, but I was honestly more frustrated by ACII than anything else.

*Ezio used "leap like a freak" attack*

Final Fantasy 7: Overrated?

Since the advent of internet message boards there has been heavy debate about a little game known as Final Fantasy 7. The list of this game's accomplishments is not a short one. It has been decorated as the greatest RPG many times over, it's characters have received similar treatment as being called "best villain" or "best hero" of all time, and the game has been called by a few sources as the greatest video game ever made.

It's no wonder that this game has so much opposition along with it. Considering the psychology of detractors it is easy to point out that it is simply just "cool" to hate it since so many loved it. Instead I will make a point counterpoint list of all the most common complaints about Final Fantasy 7 and show why they are unfounded, and overblown.

Firstly, let's discuss something about opinions. I do not mind anyone who says they did not like Final Fantasy 7, I have a problem with people who call it a "bad" game. It is clearly not a bad game for reasons I will further delve into, and for all the accolades it has received which speak volumes to it more than I ever could. What detractors tend to forget is they can dislike something, but they have to go one level higher to understand if that something is actually bad. For instance, I dislike the Metal Gear Solid series, but I will never call them bad games because I know they aren't. If you cannot understand this perspective then I cannot respect your opinions. This is the sort of thing that gets lost on message boards and popular opinion.

Back to the point of the article...the top 10 complaints of Final Fantasy 7:

1. The story is terrible!

I often read this from haters of FF7, with little else posted. To this day I have yet to read actual complaints about the story other than it has poor translation (look to complaint #5 for that). So what about the story was so terrible? Let's recap it quick shall we? Cloud, a mercenary sets out to make some dough and befriends a rebel group along the way against an evil company called Shinra who seeks the promised land to further their overall power. The main villain former hero Sephiroth discovers his past and causes him to go insane and really just be a thorn in everyone's side from there on, and of course, seeks to destroy the world. Many plot twists and character developments ensue and we have ourselves an RPG.

At no point in playing this game did I consider it to be anything less than what I had played prior. If anything it was an improvement on what had been offered in the past, and that's the bar in which it should be measured (see complaint #6). Square had provided us with the very first cinematic heavy, deeply woven plot line the likes of which the game genre had never seen before. I have yet to find a valid argument to why FF7's story is any worse than what had been offered before it.

2. The characters are underdeveloped and stereotypical.

Stereotypical? Yes. Underdeveloped? No, you didn't finish the game/weren't paying attention. First, let's analyze stereotypical as I love this argument most. Stereotypical by what measure? If your answer is to other RPG's then I lol in your face. Did the game at any point call a character "Warrior" or "black mage"? No. Then by this standard that had been set by RPG's prior FF7 was a revelation. People often point to Crono Trigger as a game with a better cast of characters. While I love Crono Trigger I will say this about its character development and stereotypes all with two words, "silent protagonist." There, suck on that.

Now for the characters being underdeveloped? I do not understand this argument. For the first time in a long time each character was given their own scene of development about what their goals and aspirations were, or stories about their past. Some characters got multiple moments like this. I can't name many RPG's that gave each character their own moment in the sun in that time period but FF7 did it.

3. Cloud is emo.

Ugh...Cloud's entire persona before disc 1 was that he was out for himself, wanted money, cared nothing for others. This is not emo. Throughout disc 1 we see a change in Cloud through his involvement with Aries and he finds a heart for his friends and their struggle. Aries dies and Cloud then finds this "emo" area through the majority of the game. But what defines this "emo" state? Simply, Cloud feels useless, like he cannot help or save anyone and doesn't know his place in life. I dare to find a single person in the world today that has never experienced this at least once, or can't imagine that some have even been consumed by it. How is this not relatable or unrealistic? Cloud lost a close friend right in front of his eyes, does he suddenly become happy? No. Does he dance around with glee? No... Does he exhibit a very honest human emotion? Why yes he does! Then quit whining about it.

4. Sephiroth is a mediocre villain.

RPG's of that era had this going for them, that every villain's goal was to take over the world, destroy it, or do both. Sephiroth is no different from these villains except that we actually get to see his past and know his thoughts. Every villain before him wanted power, control, or whatever. Sephiroth is interesting because he doesn't want any of these things. He's insane really and we get to watch him evolve from hero to villain right before our eyes because of what he learns about himself. He sees the truth, hates it, loathes himself at first and then embraces it causing his insanity. This is interesting, this is not stale, this is engrossing. How is he worse than Lavos from Crono Trigger whom we know nothing about? Or the many final bosses of FF1-5 whom I can barely remember the names of. Many counter that Kefka was a more interesting character. Kefka was good, and definitely a step in the right direction, but he sought only power and to control the world, *yawn* been there done that. Sephiroth wanted to end all life on the planet and use it to travel to other galaxies to spread his hatred for life. Insane! And, interesting.

5. This game has poor translation.

They all did back then. Few people realize the market of video games was just booming around this time and the interest in spending large quantities of money for good translations was a foreign (lol) idea. This is one reason people state the game has a bad story. Well ignore for a moment that the game wasn't translated well, how is the story worse because of it? The actions of the characters still play out the same way in all translations. The points are still understood, and confusion only occurs to people not paying attention (see complaint 7).

6. You can't keep using the excuse of "for the time...."

Yes I can. FF7 came out in 1997 and that's how we measure things. How many people claim Gone With the Wind is bad because movies these days are better, or make more sense? No one, they call it a classic and move on. But for some reason FF7 is not allowed the same treatment. For the time, FF7 did what no other RPG had done. It was a cinematic experience like no other, with solid game play, characters, music, and graphics (see complaint 10). For the time, it was a revelation.

7. Final Fantasy 7 has too many plot holes.

It does? Which ones? I can't find them, everything that was important was explained to me. I played the game 8 times through, and I remain satisfied with the story. That's not to say the game doesn't have a few HUH??? moments but it is a Japanese game, let's keep this in mind. That being said, Japanese plots and stories are batshit crazy let's be honest. Most westerners aren't totally used to some of the crazy shit the Japanese have cooked up in the past, but FF7 is pretty tame by those standards.

8. This game is too easy!

Ah, another favorite complaint of mine. For the uninitiated, FF7 is an RPG, a genre that as I understand it is made to be beaten. The entire point of the genre is to be an interactive storybook. I dare to find anyone complain that an RPG from that era was difficult at all. Sure, strategy RPG's were, some of them, but mainstream Japanese RPG's spoon fed you every step of the way. Can't beat a boss? Grind! Seriously, that is the solution to every RPG and if this defines difficulty to the genre, then I'll prefer FF7's pace any day. The fact that FF7 is fluent in that you do not have to grind to hear the story is a testament to just how well put together the game was as an RPG. That's not to say the game boasts no challenge either. They put Emerald and Ruby weapons in the game for just that reason.

9. The game takes itself too seriously.

This complaint is more common than you think. And the easy response is this: Cloud dresses up like a girl in the beginning of the game. While the game has more moments of whimsical comedy like this, at no point do I feel like I have to mention anything other than that. Conversation over, he cross dresses.

10. The graphics are terrible!

For the time....for the time... Square as few may know, is a graphics whore first and foremost. If at the time they devised a better cleaner look to a game they would have used it. Well that was the best they could come up with for the time. And dammit, it still looks better than 16 bit sprites. I think this complaint stems mostly from those of us that remember the commercials and all they showed us were the cinemas. Yeah, we were all fooled. It was a mean trick. I got over it, but a lot of people still harbor a grudge.

Conclusion:

Final Fantasy 7 will always be one of the all time great games, whether it is in your collection of greats or not. The arguments saying it was a bad game are laughable and just plain incorrect. I could sit here all day and complain about how much I hated the game play of Metal Gear Solid, or the 1 hour cut scenes it had, or how the villains continually sought redemption for no damn reason. But the fact is, Metal Gear Solid invented a genre, it was a solid game with tight controls, great music, and interesting writing. The fact that I hate it, even for some of those reasons, will never take away the fact that Metal Gear Solid is a classic, in the same respect that Final Fantasy 7 is. Insert your own "Metal Gear" here, it's still a perspective that needs to be understood.

*rant over...food now*

Batman: Arkham Asylum ... FINALLY!

It took nearly 25 years, hundreds of developers, thousands of man hours, and millions of kids screaming at their TV for a good Batman game to be made. For the first time in gaming history we are finally able to play a Batman game where we actually feel like we ARE Batman. The developers at Rocksteady got it right, and I'd like to say thank you.

Sure, one could argue that there were a few Batman gems along the way. The first NES game for instance wasn't terrible, it in fact was actually quite good albeit way too hard. But from there, really, nothing notable, and nothing genuinely "Batman." The main problem with superhero games in general is comic book studios or movie studios look to give the rights to developers that have no interest in making a "good" game, but to make a semi-functional game to turn a quick buck.

Here we have a product that lets us do the following: Be a detective, sneak around and attack, use assorted Batman tools, follow a comprehensive comic book-esque plot line, fight known super villains (yeah from time to time they made Batman games where you fought shit that never existed in Batman's universe...so I count it), and finally were able to fight like a ninja.

Rocksteady not only put all of this into one game, they did all of it fairly well. I find some hiccups in the battle mechanics, but it's certainly not the worst I've ever played. It can be closest compared to Assassin's Creed where you have a counter option and an attack option except with Batman they also gave you evade, and combo mix-ups which helps. The main issue I had with the combat was more related to the camera than anything else which sometimes decides to swing the wrong way and I end up dodge rolling into Bane's fist, or whatever you get the idea. It happened enough to where I'd call it an issue.

Aside from that, Rocksteady has made the perfect Batman game. Some complaints running around the internet deal with the fact that the game doesn't offer enough boss fight variety. While I mildly agree with this complaint, I honestly didn't mind while playing. Every boss fight felt natural and part of the story, rather than a forced confrontation with, say Mr. Freeze or something. This game wasn't meant to be a showcase for Batman villains, it was a Joker story so Rocksteady stuck to its guns and I applaud that. There was only one moment where we should have been allowed to fight Harley...but didn't for some reason. That would have been a fun fight by the way, she's a nimble fighter, I would have been entertained.

The only other minor complaints I can even find for this game are in the music department, and Batman's gradual deterioration throughout the game. First, the music had moments of genius, and perfect placement occasionally. Why it has to disappear entirely for half the game is beyond me. It's rare I actually notice when a game is lacking music in places. Artistic choice, or laziness, I'm not sure. For Batman, he gets beat up and tossed around throughout the game, so his suit gets gradually beat up over the course of the game. My issue with this was only that it should have gotten MORE beat up! Seriously, it doesn't look ALL that bad by the end after what he gets put through. So just a pet peeve, love the idea but in practice it juuuuuuust wasn't enough, lol. Oh, and I should mention the voice actor for Jim Gorden was atrocious! Where's the one from Batman the Animated series? They got damn near everyone else, why not him? He really stuck out like a sore thumb in the midst of gods like Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill.

So, if you're like me and have been craving a good Batman game since your childhood, and Batman Forever was the last Batman game you ever played (me) then do yourself a favor and buy this game! Support good development if you can. If your question is "Well is it worth the $60?" I say yes, even though I literally did everything the main story had to offer in one day from 8:00am to 1:00am yesterday, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Plus I haven't touched the challenge rooms yet. I would argue this is easily not just the best Batman game ever made, but the best Superhero game ever made and hopefully this becomes a trend.

*I think I still hear Joker over the PA...something is wrong...*

Don't Stop at Gamestop

*sigh* The last straw has been broken. I will officially never shop at Gamestop again. They are either the single worst organization I have ever seen, or they simply want ME specifically to bend over (see picture).

So let's begin with the very first issue I've had with them.

Story #1: Used Games pt.1

Used games. They guarantee them to work right? Yeah I thought corporate policy was the truth once...once. The year was 2001 (I think), I had never in my life owned a Playstation, but had recently acquired a Playstation 2 via Christmas and awesome parents. The PS2 game lineup at the time was less than impressive and so I went on a hunt for Playstation games I missed out on.

Topping my list was Chrono Cross, it would also be the last game I found. I of course found it at a Gamestop, used, and not in its original case. But so what I think, no biggie it'll work. Half a year passes before I actually start playing Chrono Cross because I was playing various Gamecube, and other PS1 titles I got. I made it through the first disk of Chrono Chross, no problem. Keep in mind though, it took me about two months to get through the first disk, (I work, had school, life). I start the second disk, it freezes on the very first cinema you come across. Of course I worked diligently to remedy this shocking problem. To no avail, not even the prestigious toothpaste trick worked. I was thusly screwed having owned the game longer than Gamestop's return policy allows.

Furthermore, it wasn't my fault. I'd like to reference the time it took me to get through disk 1! Considering normal people do not whiz through games JUST to see if they work to know if they have to return them or not, I blame Gamestop for not checking disk 2!

Story #2: Used Games pt.2

So from the first incident I learned never to buy used games that are disc based. Problem solved right? Wrong! I attempted to hunt down a copy of Metriod Zero Mission for the GBA since I somehow missed it previously. It was only like a year but seriously, you couldn't find a single new copy of this game anywhere for some reason. So I resorted to using Gamestop's used games guarantee thinking Nintendo's game cartridges would defeat their so called guarantee regardless. WRONG AGAIN! The cartridge I received would not save my game, and had clearly been inflicted with an action replay device as the game stored on it was beyond human playing possibility. Never the less, it was relatively clear the battery was dead....

Ahem... HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? I can only blame Gamestop for this, not Nintendo. Why do you ask? This is why. I own something in the neighborhood of 400 battery based games dating back to Nintendo's very first battery based game that actually required you to hold "reset" and push "power" otherwise the save didn't work! Weird, I know. But that game folks, still works, and still saves my game files. Gamestop fails again.

Story #3: The Mouse and the Trap

Okay, this is less a personal incident rather a store policy of Gamestop's that makes me hate going there period. I can't just walk in and buy a game from Gamestop. No, I can't, and you probably can't either. Nope, you have to listen to their 20 minute long lecture about how you should reserve games, trade in your used games, sign up for their reward program and online store, BECOME A F$*@ING TOOL! Admittedly this is normally a 3 minute affair at best. But I ran into one manager that would literally not let me leave. I paid him for the game, he had it in the bag, and did not hand it to me before his lecture.

The first five minutes I was polite. The next 3 minutes I found myself arguing why I do not reserve games, (simple answer: because I can get them ANYWHERE I WANT). The next 7 minutes he spends convincing me that I should reserve games, telling me fables of misfortune gamers who didn't reserve a game, (and *gasp* if I had met that poor fellow I bet he drove across the street to Wal-Mart, bought the game and played it that night!). The last 3 minutes I was asking for my game which he was still holding (if you're wondering it was Mega Man ZX Advent). But no, I wasn't yet convinced that he was right. So instead of like saying 'no you can't have the game yet' like a normal ass, he instead just ignored me entirely and continued his rant. He was absolutely positive he could get $5 from me on some random game. I of course stood my ground, and he eventually relinquished the game without any bloodshed. But of course, I never went back there ever again. 20 minutes I'll never get back.

*interesting note, this Gamestop was located in a mall that got torn down the following summer, revenge!*

A tidbit side story: Once when buying Street Fighter 4 (Best buy didn't have them in yet) I was asked if I wanted to reserve a copy of God of War III. Really Gamestop? Really? That game isn't due out until 2010 or more. I respectfully declined holding back a snicker. Then he suggested that I should reserve Final Fantasy XIII. I couldn't contain my laughter....that is the end of that story.

Story #4: The FINAL STRAW

So here it is, what will permanently keep me away from every Gamestop ever. Three weeks ago I tried my hand at getting the Madcatz TE Fightstick ($160 purchase, nothing to sneeze at). The Wiialert told me Gamestop had them in stock on their website. I acquire one with wizard-like speed and am very pleased with myself as this is about as rare an item as one can actually buy in the game world right now. Days pass, my order remains "pending" instead of "shipped." I email and ask wtf???? only nicer. They respond with "we are currently out of stock on this item and will ship it when we get more in." NO NO NO! I bought it! Why would you let me buy it if you have none!?? That's like if I sold you, the viewer a calculator, you hand me the money, and I say "nope, we're out of stock, fu!"

So ok, whatever, it's a rare item I'll just squat on it. One mere day later a friend of mine tells me I can order them through Best Buy, not online mind you but through their warehouse at their store and do an in-store pickup. Wonderful news, and I do just that! Immediately I cancel my order with Gamestop and receive a confirmation email. Read at your pleasure:

Dear Customer,

Thank you for contacting us.

In response to your request we have cancelled your order.

As a reminder, your payment method was never charged for the canceled items. Any related authorization hold on your credit or debit card account will be released in accordance with your financial institution holds policy. Please contact your financial institution for more information. For Barnes & Noble orders, refunds are processed within 3-5 business days. If your order was placed with a GameStop gift card or Edge Card, please note that any related authorization hold on the card should fall off within 3-5 business days.

Also, please feel free to check out our new website features for your future cancellation needs as we are now offering customer self-service options, like canceling your own order/items.

We value your business and hope to see you again soon!

Best regards,

Tim Customer Service Agent

Original Message Follows: ------------------------
I would like to cancel this order.
PS3 Street Fighter IV Tournament Edition Fight Stick

Thank you!

Ryan Porter
Order Number: xxxxxxxxxxxxx (as this is still an ongoing matter the order number has been blacked out)

----------

Ok, so I'm good right? WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! Today, I got an email telling me they have shipped the item! WTF?? I already have it because Best Buy is a retail demi-god and you suck dildo. So what do I do? I don't want it. So I tell them just that, and even copy paste the original cancellation email thinking this is their problem not mine. Here's the response:

Dear Ryan,

Thank you for contacting GameStop.com.

Upon review of your order, there are no records of any attempt to cancel this order either from our customer service department or by our Gamestop.com website. We do apologize for the confirmation that you received as it was in error on our part.

You will receive an email from UPS with a printable shipping label. When you use this label, you will not be charged for shipping. Instructions on how to complete the return are also in the email. Please use this label to return your package to us. Once received you will be issued a refund for the item, as we have also requested a refund on the shipping to be processed as well.

No record? I have a record and I'm no retail giant! I sent you the record! So ok, they send me a UPS label and junk so I can send it back when I get it, no skin off my back. Except the projected HOUR it will take me to gather this together and send it back, not to mention they won't release my credit card payment on the item UNTIL they get it! IT WAS THEIR FAULT 100%. Not to mention I use FedEx and have no clue where a UPS store is in my area, this whole process is foreign to me since I KEEP WHAT I BUY.

I am beyond frustrated with this company, its practices, and it's current domination in my favorite industry as a retailer. I urge all of you reading this today to not support them if you can avoid it. Send your used games to Amazon, they are a reputable business. Buy new games from Best Buy. Don't stand for Gamestop's crap!

*I am too angry to post something here*

Bloody High Claw!!!

Sequels that have reached the 3's and 4's often start faltering and forgetting what makes them great. Luckily Street Fighter has yet to do this, ever. It seems that with each new Street Fighter Capcom gives us something new to enjoy (excluding the EX series). I am proud to say that after 25 hours with Street Fighter IV there is no better game out there with a 4 tacked on the end of it than this game.

Let's first go over what SFIV does right.

Graphics: Outstanding. The graphics in SFIV may not be the most robust. You may not feel like you're playing a fighting game cinematic like you do in Soul Calibur 4. But what you do get is the distinct atmosphere of Street Fighter through and through.

Gameplay: Ah, of course the most important. Veterans of the series will instantly notice SFIV is a slower paced game than previous Street Fighters. This is not a bad thing though as now strategy becomes far more influencing than button mashing which is now all but abolished (thank goodness). Everything works flawlessly, (PS3 version) every input, everything! It feels right. Doing complicated moves, or nigh impossible moves from SF's past like the 360 Gief throw is now effortless. That's not to say, however, that newbies to the series won't be pulling their hair out trying to do stuff. This is not a newbie friendly game in any respect, and that is proven with the online.

Online: Fantastic. I think I've finally cleaned off the muck on me left from Soul Calibur 4 and its horribly laggy online. Street Fighter 4 is nearly perfect online. It is about as perfect as you can get these days. I use Vega online nearly 100% of the time so trust me when I say there is hardly any lag at all as Vega's success revolves purely around perfect timing. But this leads me back into how unfriendly this game is to newbies to the Street Fighter universe. I have probably played 20-30 matches where I have crushed an opponent so badly that I just started playing with them before I finished them. They were clearly new to the game, knew nothing about countering, or about defensive strategies, or about maintaining their zones, and nothing about even simple inputs that could have assisted them. To say the least, some of these fights are embarrasing.

While I don't claim to know all Street Fighter has to offer I will say that I have only been overwhelmed maybe 3 to 4 times. And that's mainly due to me picking the lowest tier character / facing good Gief players and Vega has nearly a 0 chance of beating if countered properly.

Still, online is a wake-up call for new players but also a great learning tool to understand strategies. But anyone complaining about "cheapness" should stop playing fighting games all-together since this is considered to be the most balanced fighting game ever. (review tier lists from other games and prove me wrong).

Story: lol.

Audio: I'm just glad Capcom decided to create new noises for everything unlike RE5 where they rehashed every noise possible from RE4.

Overall: Perfect. With the new additions of EX attacks and Focus attacks SF strategies have never been more diverse. If you buy one fighting game this year, or one game that ends in a 4, make it Street Fighter 4.

*Yes, I know, the picture has characters in it that aren't in SFIV. Deal with it!*

Fable... too?

Now, it's been a good long time since I played a game I liked as much as Fable. I want to make that clear. The last one before that was Dead Space, which, as you all are aware, I loved in ways that are unhealthy between a man and his game system. However, Fable II, though more than a worthy successor, has some MAJOR problems that just can't be ignored.

First, though, the good. It's mostly a sort of hack'n'slash RPG hybrid, where you collect experience orbs in the areas you use more often in order to level them up. The game play has been simplified from the first game. It is very simply a color coded button system. Blue experience orbs and the blue button are strength, i.e. melee, yellow experience orbs and yellow button are dexterity, i.e. guns, and the red experience orbs and button are your will, i.e. magic. Your character and world are exceptionally customizable, with tons of clothes, weapons, hairstyles, tattoos, houses, shops, and pretty much anything else you can think of to buy. This is nothing new, though I feel like all of the mechanics of it have been vastly improved since the first game. Really, that's the name of the game here; improved since the first game. Nothing drastically different or new has been added, but nearly every gameplay issue has been improved, and in ome cases very nearly perfected.

The only really new piece of it all is the addition of the dog, who isn't terrible useful. He finds things for you to dig up, but more often than not, they are useless trinkets. You can train him to find better stuff, but in all honesty, he comes across mostly as a gimmick.

The real meat of the game is found in the CONSTANT stream of moral and ethical choices. Do you sacrifice people to one church or daonate your hard-earned gold to another? Do you kill people and take their homes or do you defend them? Do you gouge prices as a shop owner or lower them, to the joy of all your customers? Do you sell slaves, or free them? I, of course, went through the game being as evil and nasty as possible, enjoying every minute, until I found the two HUGE problems.

Firstly, and this is sort of a psoiler, there was no boss fight. That was a elt down, but honestly not that big of a deal to me. There were only two others in the game anyways. It's simply not much of a boss fight game. I got over that one quickly enough.

The second one is the one that really bothers me. After completing the game being bad, I decided to try the other side of the coin. I made up my mind to be the best, most pure, wonderful person I could possibly be... only to discover that the game sports only one save file. Now, I'm not the kind of person who deletes his save games. My red version of Pokemon still has my original Charizard from all those years ago. I simply don't like deleting all the hours of my life I spent playing a completed game. The idea of doing so, especially so soon after beating the game, was upsetting. What this basically means is that if I want to play the game that is literally built completely around choices, and make different ones, I have to give up all the effort I made the first time.

Now, I know I can make another profile on the XBox 360, and have a different save that way, but not only is it a pain in the ass, but I don't actually OWN the 360. It belongs to my brother. I had to fight with him to even be allowed to have ONE profile and the use of it. What I'm basically saying is that, for me at least, the game's setup destroyed it's own otherwise endless replay value. I'm not sure how you can come back from that one, Fabel II.

As a whole, I adore the game, but if I had known that my choices were going to be so permanent, I may not have made some of the ones I did. Huh. Kind of like life. Go figure.

Why Xbox Live isn't Worth $50 a Year

I brushed up on my understanding of what all comes with the Xbox Live and reaffirmed my conclusions of why $50 a year is a ridiculous asking price for the content you actually get. So here's the breakdown folks....

Free Membership:
No Multiplayer online gaming
do I have to emphasize that more?
YES
NO MULTIPLAYER ONLINE GAMING.
No Video Chat
No Parties (whatever the hell that means)
No Netflix Movie Streaming

Let me expand for a moment on the Netflix movie streaming. So here's the deal, you get the Gold Membership (the $50 one) and you are allowed access to the Netflix streaming... As long as you have a paid Netflix account. So you are being charged $50 on top of what you're paying for Netflix? Why the hell even bother?

Free Membership Continued:
Voice Chat
Avatars
Downloadable Content

Wow, so for the free account I get voice chat, (which if you have an internet provider at all is available to you). Avatars (which are retarded in their own right anyway). And downloadable content (which is the single worst new additive in video games since Escort Missions). Yay for the free one.

Gold Service $50 a year:
(Reread what you don't get with the free one and there you go).

So broken down you ARE in fact paying $50 to play online multiplayer games... Let's take a quick look at the companies that do not make you pay for this service.

Crytek: Crysis 1, Warhead
Blizzard: Warcraft I, II, III, Starcraft, Diablo I, II
Valve: Team Fortress I, II, Left 4 Dead
Many many other PC games I've never played.
Any game on the Playstation Network or Nintendo Wii

The only PC games I can recall that require you to pay subscriptions are MMORPG's. And that makes perfect sense because you're paying to utilize dedicated servers which house these massive worlds of gaming. Guess what you're paying with MS? Your own damned internet provider. Seriously, no dedicated servers here. Say you're on Soul Calibur 4, your connection sucks balls, you get lag, that happens anyway right? Right. So paying $50 a year to play online through Live will NEVER EVER solve that problem because your internet connection is dripping from the balls with saliva anyway.

So what's the deal? How are so many people getting shafted by this baseless service? I'll tell you the answer and you won't like it, (but it will be my profession so I know I'm right) and that's Marketing. Microsoft has put it in the minds of consumers that they offer the best service of all the services period. You can't change the minds of those that bought it either because they made the purchasing decision, they are happy with the product and you cannot convince them otherwise. No matter how much you show them a free online game listed above with zero lag, dropouts and so on, they will still say the Xbox Live service is better. It becomes an argument for Coke vs Pepsi even though both will ultimately rot your teeth. That means Microsoft's marketing has succeeded. That doesn't mean the service is actually better, or not even close to being worth the price of a brand new game!

My advice? Buy a new game, you will enjoy it more and be able to visibly see what you bought. If you are unfortunately stuck with an Xbox 360 and want to play online then far be it for me to tell you not to pay the $50 to do so. Just please be aware you're getting ripped off, and do not be ignorant saying it's better than the PSN or Wii's service. Fact is all 3 allow you to play online with your friends with the same amounts of lag and dropouts (usually your providers fault) but only one of them has the balls to charge you $50 for it.

*I said it before and I'll say it again, balls!*

Top 15 Games of All Time - IMHO Edition

It took me some time just to think of 15 games that I thought were the best of "All Time". After looking at Portex's and K to the Y to the L to the E's lists, I agree with their choices, the games they chose are great, though I feel a little differently about my top fifteen.

In no particular order I will start off with...

The Halo Series - XBOX / XBOX 360
Unlike Kyle, I think some of the series can be grouped together, and the Halo series deserves to be grouped together. Originally supposed to be a game for the Mac, Halo's developer, Bungie, was purchased by Microsoft to bring the FPS to the new game system, the XBOX. WIth that Bungie released a game that had a good story line, great multiplayer, both co-op and versus, had intuitive controls (providing you were not using the controller so lovingly named "The Boat"), and was a great example of graphical power of the XBOX. Halo 2 they added Live support while still tweaking with the mechanics of the game play, and with Halo 3 they added more modes, such as the Forge map editor, Theater Mode and 4 player Co-op in both system link and over XBOX LIVE. Besides, love or hate the game, Red vs. Blue is a byproduct of the Halo series, and that's not bad.


Super Mario Brothers 3 - NES
Holy cow do I love this game. the fact that I can sit down with a game that is 20 years old and still remember 90 percent of the secrets speaks to the amout of thought and level design was put into this game.

Rockband Series - Multiconsole
Not trying to sound like a fanboy here, but the Rockband series has a different vibe than that Guitar Hero series, even though the developer of Rockband is the same as who started off the Guitar Hero series, Rockband has 60 straight weeks of DLC that works on both RB and RB2. putting at last check over 350 songs for download, add that to the 55 out of the 58 that you can export from RB to RB2 and the 84 songs that come with RB2, and add the AC/DC pack that you can export to RB2, that is over 500 songs to play. Compare that to the 75 DLC songs and 86 that came on the disc, I would rather have the game with the larger lineup.

Super Mario Brothers / Duck Hunt - NES
If I have to explain this, you should not be here!

The Pokemon Series - GB / GBA / DS
The mega cash cow that Nintendo has hidden away on the 13 floor of their headquarters says "Moo-lah". Sorry for the hideous pun, but the fact is this series has made a ton of money for Nintendo. The funny thing about it is that they are just selling the same game each time with either an upgrade in pokemon, or better graphics, but the overall point is to try and catch them all. This game is like crack. Since my first taste of Pokemon Yellow on the Gameboy Colour, I have picked up at least one version of the many releases. On another note, I also picked up the trading card game on GBC, note how that game is not on the list...

Starcraft - PC
Yes, the game the Koreans love to die for... literally! This is a classic RTS that many people still play it. I still play it, and will keep playing it until Starcraft 2 comes out. Which according to the latest news I have heard, the release date is set for the day satan skates to work.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 - Genesis
Man I love this game. Like Super Mario Brothers 3, this is another game that I can remember the secrets for. Such as going to the sound test to activate either the level select or Super Sonic. My favorite (and still love that they kept it in the Virtual Console release) is that you could hook up a second controller and have Tails be your.... well... for lack of a better word... bitch. If he died, he would always come back. So Sonic, avoid the dangers, send the suicidal Tails in first and everything is going to be all right.

Final Fantasy - NES
Yes the original, and not the series. Being Square's last chance to make a successful game before possibly going out of business, and oh what a game it was. Yes the rest of the series has it's charms. I'm looking at you VII, but the first one always rings true for me.

Starfox 64 - Nintendo 64
First game I owned on a N64. I remember that it also came with a rumble pack for the controller. Just writing about this game makes me want to turn on my Wii (well to be fair, hook it back up) and play it on the Virtual Console. From the movable "64" on the title screen to the multiple different paths that you can take to reach the end of the game. A solid game through and through.

Portals - PC / XBOX 360 / PS3
From day one, I knew that this was going to be awesome. While Kyle appears not to know what he is talking about because the second installment was released MONTHS ago. Kyle, look up Portals: Still Alive for the XBOX Live Arcade. The game is so simple, but addicting like crap. Because of this game, I highly doubt that I am the only one with a plan of action the day I am able to have a Portal Gun in real life.

Super Mario 64 - Nintendo 64
Super Mario Galaxy did not make the list because I did not want to put 16 games on here. It is a great game, and I mean it no ill will when I say that I think Super Mario 64 was a better game, because in my mind, it offered more of a challenge that Galaxy. Plus the fact they re-relased the game for both the DS and the Wii Virtual Console added with the fact that the re-releases are selling pretty decently shows that I am not the only one that enjoys this game.

Shadowgate - Mac / NES
This game creeped me out to no end when I was younger. This game came out when I was roughly 4 years old. In fact it was 20 years ago this year that it was released for the NES. When you died, and please keep in mind that I am around 4-5 years old at the time, when ever you died, it would scare the hell out of me with the picture of death that comes up. Granted I am better now. I did grow up after all, but it was a good game after I got over the fear of death in the game. Look it up, you shall enjoy it!

Galaga - NES
Mention the name of this game, and the theme music plays in my head. It was a simple but great nonetheless shooter. Grab it on the Virtual Console, it's only 5 bucks.

Pilotwings 64
Sequel to the SNES game Pilot Wings, this flight sim for the 64 had great missions, but this games appeal did not come from the missions, but rather the game play. One of my favorite modes is the Birdman mode. No point to this mode, just to explore and relax. There was a sequel planned for the Gamecube, sadly this got the axe when Factor 5 split with Nintendo. I still hold hope for a sequel, until then I will have to wait for the Virtual Console release. Hey Shiggy, after Pikmin, make a new Pilotwings!

Steel Battalion - XBOX
This deserves a mention. How incredibly awesome is a game that you need a 40 button controller just to play the game. Sure the game and the controller cost 200 bucks, but talk about realism. The controller is so epic that you have a separate button for windshield wipers, and an eject button. I think that if they were to release a next-gen version with a USB, it would be epic.

Top 15 Games of All Time - K to the Y to the L to the E

I saw that the Portex had posted his 15 favorite games, and i simply couldn't resist following suit. There are plenty of obscure games that I could post that I really loved, but honestly none of them give me the unadulterated feelings of pure joy that these 15 do. You'll notice some overlap with Porter's, but not nearly as many as you think. Without further ado:

Goldeneye 007: I'm a Bond geek in epic ways, and this game was the first real FPS I played at length. I judge almost every shooter I ever play against it. I don't feel I need to say more.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time : I decided at the beginning if the article that i would only post specific games, not entire series, and I feel like Ocarina of time simply embodies what Zelda is, can be, and will become. A sprawling adventure the likes of which had never been seen at the time, and the reason I yell HAI when cutting bread.

Super Mario Galaxy : It completely redefined what 3D platformer can be, and boy oh boy did it do it well. There's just so much to do, and so many places to visit. I've spent hours on this game, and not noticed.

Banjo-Kazooie : A strange game about a bear and a bird fighting a witch may seem out of place, but it took the go-and-find-stuff type of game and it absolutely perfected it. This was back when Rare was king.

Resident Evil 4 : Wii Edition : Porter already talked about this one a bit, and i feel pretty much the way he did. It was great on the Gamecube, it was ok on the PS2, but it truly SHINED on the Wii. Nuff said.

Bioshock: Bioshock was fun, atmospheric, creepy, and it actually had a good story. the gameplay is fun and angagiing, and it was one of the only shooters of recent generations to not limit your amount of weapons to one or two at a time, and to allow medpack healing instead of magically healing when you hide. It was a bit of a throwback in that way, but far advanced in others.

Dead Space: What can i say about Dead Space? It was freaky, fun, challenging, and it had a good story going for it! It was even genuinely frightening, something that not much is for me. I always walked away from the game with the feeling that I really didn't want to be alone right now. Good stuff.

Silent Hill 2 : This was the first survival horror game that gave me nightmares. It was just plain freaky, with those shambling things, and the ever popular Pyramid Head. The puzzles were fun and interesting, and the story left me feeling.... icky.

Portal : This was a fun little experiment. Straightforward gameplay, straightforward goal. Get from one end of the room to the other. With a portal gun. I'm eager to see where they take Portal 2.

Metal Gear Solid 3 : Ok, we all knew this was coming. With one amazing exception, this is my favorite game of all time, and this is the best game in the series. It combines the best of the gameplay from the previous games with new elements, such as the jungle survival tactics, and the fun of a cold war setting. It feels like a classic spy story, and I truly loved every last minute.

Kingdom Hearts II : If ever a game concept has sounded stupider than Kingdom Hearts, it's probably from Shigeru Miyamoto. However, just like the Shiggy, this game was a startling success. The careful blend of Disney with Square seemed to truly create an original and epic plot. It dominated my imagination for a long time after I finished it.

Max Payne II : The slow motion gunplay of the first game got a face lift, and now looked beautiful and smooth. I loved this sequel.

Oblivion : Elder Scrolls IV : This one almost didn't make the list, but then I thought about it. I think I have spent more time on this game than I have on any other, EVER. Even Pokemon took less time out of my life. In total, with multiple save files. I believe I have had well over 300 hours of gameplay in this first person RPG. Holy crap.

Final Fantasy IX : The inevitable Final Fantasy on my list has a special place in my heart because it combined the old gameplay of the originals with sleek and interesting visuals made possible by the PS1's at the time stellar graphics. A true classic.

Shadow of the Colossus : This game is truly my favorite game of all time. I have beaten it a dozen times, and I still play it regularly. There are only 16 enemies in the game, but they are all massive. Huge to the point where you have to climb them to kill them. It was truly an epic experience, and a masterpiece of what games could be.

That's my list. I can only hope that our third member, keith, follows along and announces his 15 most likely far less awesome games list.

Top 15 Games of All Time - Portex

Not in any particular order I have listed above what I feel are the 15 best games I have ever played. The picture and list comes from a voting system developed by gamefaqs.com and that is my entry. Below I will give my reasons for why I chose these games.

Xenogears: Xenogears is my favorite game ever, period. It was a game that read like a novel, and played even better. The battle system was tight and fluid allowing the user to create their own combos of martial arts, or get in a giant gear and change up the formula slightly. It was addicting, the story was engrossing, and the characters were fascinating. Pick this one up if you haven't already, I implore you!

Super Mario Galaxy: There's not much to say about this one that gamers shouldn't already be aware of. This game is quite simply the greatest 3D plat former ever. It was easy enough for newbies and challenging as all hell for anyone trying the daunting task of mastering the game. I loved every minute of its gravity defying and outright torturous level design. It is Myamoto's last masterpiece as of now and if you haven't played this, you do not know what you're missing.

Baten Kaitos: If I wanted I would have added both Baten Kaitos games, the only reason I picked the first one was because the battle system was far more intense and fun. For those unaware (and that's probably all of you) Baten Kaitos had one of the most unique and fast paced battle systems I have ever seen. You are given a handful of seconds to combine and string together a series of cards that you have entered in as a deck for each unique character. That string is determined by basic card game rules of like pairs, a straight, flush, and so on. The fun was that this was the case for both offense and defense. Never before has every battle in an RPG been just as fun as the one before it since trying to maximize your attack string was absolutely addicting. Oh, yeah and the story/music was fabulous as well.

Xenosaga III: All 3 were great in story / music, but Xenosaga III is most notable for its conclusion and playable battle system. If you didn't tackle the previous 2 or Xenogears don't bother with this game though.

Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time: While I personally think Twilight Princess is the better game, in the list of voting I had to represent its father. If I have to explain this pick then you are not a gamer.

Final Fantasy 7: Stay away from the internet when you hear opinions about this game. For some reason a whole bunch of people smog hate over it for no good reason. This is the best Final Fantasy Square ever made, period. Every character had a unique and interesting back story, the villain was mesmerizing, the music was flawless, and the story was paced and presented so perfectly that you forget you're playing an RPG sometimes.

Street Fighter 2: My opinions are well known about this entry, see my previous blog for more info.

Super Mario 3: Super duh explains this pick.

Devil May Cry 3: The DMC series transformed the 'hack n' slash' formula to whole new heights. DMC3 did it the best with the most unique number of bosses, attacks, and all out fun fun fun! Oh, and it was bitching hard! But that's ok, I loved it for that reason. Do not play this if you have heart problems.

Mega Man Zero 3: I love everything about Mega Man. I have beat and played every Mega Man game that isn't some super weird spin-off, and trust me this is the best you can get out of Mega Man. Zero 3 does everything right from bosses, to minor enemies, to no hassle and fun side quests. I have literally beat this game 10 times, and you should beat it too!

Mirror's Edge: Again I have wrote about this one already, it is fantastic.

Golden Sun: The first RPG to hit a Nintendo console in years at the time really showcased just what was right about traditional RPG's. Granted the second game in the series was bigger, longer, and better I chose the first one only because the second one has this ridiculous 5 hour dungeon in the middle of the game that makes me never want to play it again!

Resident Evil 4 (Wii): The Wii version is the best, period. The aiming is so precise you can snipe with a pistol. RE4 needs no further touting of its greatness though.

Goldeneye 007: Once again, if I have to explain this choice then you have no business on a gaming site.

Star Wars Rouge Squadren II: This is the most fluid and precise aerial combat game ever conceived. This was when Factor 5 could make a game and make it well. Without a doubt this is the best Star Wars game ever made as well. Those who argue for Knights of the Old Republic do not understand that Star Wars is and always will be an action movie, and KotOR was about as boring as a game can get. Live the spirit of Star Wars through a game that can get your heart racing, that's all I'm saying.

*If you haven't played at least one of the above, I will personally come to your house with lighter fluid, a box of matches, 20 gallons of sulfuric acid, a double-barreled shotgun, 10 playboy magazines, and a select few of the above games and force you to play them*

Max Pain in my ASS

Max Payne hit DVD yesterday and it just pisses me off. Here we have a game that's perfectly suited to be adapted into a movie. It has a clear story and gameplay that's almost literally based on slow motion sequences from action movies. So, you need three things to make a good Max Payne movie. You need an actor who looks the part, you need slow motion gunfights, and you need them to be poetically self narrated. Seriously, why is that so freaking hard?

Really quickly, for those of you who don't know, the story is as such: A cop's family is murdered and as he degenerates in a downward spiral of depression and obsession, he uncovers the massive drug conspiracy that caused their deaths, killing everyone in his path. So, you know, basically any action film made in the 80s.

Ok, first we heard about the cast. Decent casting, I'll say that for sure. Mark Wahlberg definitely looks the part of Max, and he's a decent enough actor. Ok, no worries there. Then theres a quick appearence by Olga Kurylenko, the most recent Bond girl. Not the best actress in the world, but certainly not awful. Then there's... ew. Mila Kunis. I'll just ignore her. Wait... she's playing Mona Sax? MEG FROM FAMILY GUY!? PLAYING A BEAUTIFUL FEMME FATALE!? I... I was willing to overlook this one at first, but upon re-seeing the film... ick. Add that to the fact that Jack Lupino, the supposed ultimate warrior killing machine is played by the mexican guy from Prison Break, and we sort of have a problem here.

Well at least we get plenty of gruesome action scenes, with blood splattering and bullets flying and... oh... wait... its PG-13? Really? Well, ok. That's not the worst news ever. It can still work, as long as all the action scenes are just as stylish and beautiful as the trai... ler... Oh no. The ONLY slow motion and stylized sequences in the film are in the trailer, folks. The ONLY ONES. In a film, based on a game, literally set ENTIRELY around slow motion action scenes... I counted two of them. Two. One consisted literally entirely of Max firing one shotgun, once. Dear god. Why is this such a difficult formula? Every action movie in the past ten years has had entirely too much slow motion. Now, the ONE TIME when it's all I'm asking for, NOW hollywood decides to hold back. That's just peachy.

Well, at least we have that atmospheric, poetic naration to look forward to! The trailer teases us with the haunting lines, "There's an army of bodies under this river, people who ran out of time, out of friends. I could feel the dead down there, reaching up to welcome me as one of their own. It was an easy mistake to make." Gorgeous! Moody, atmospheric, a little over the top, and above all, just like the game! If the movie has narration even half this good... uh oh... why are you looking at me like that? Oh, that's right. The movie has next to NO narration. It opens with similar line sto the trailer, and then there's nothing. Nothing at all until the close of the film. The entire storytelling style of the Max Payne game hinges on old fashioned over the top narration, one of the EASIEST things to write, and they just, what DECIDED not to do it? What the HELL!? Did the film makers even PLAY the game?

I have NEVER been more disappointed in my life. I had high expectations, and they got completely and utterly DASHED. It makes me want to go on a slow motion killing spree. I genuinely don't understand what makes it so damned difficult to make a movie based on a game. Cut only what you have to, try to remain true to the spirit of the film, and above all, try to retain the STYLE. Doom was hardly the best movie I've ever seen, but it sure as hell FELT like the game. Silent hill was atmospheric and creepy, using the unnerving music and sound effects I know so well from the series. But it seems for every single DECENT adaptation I've ever seen, there are a million Uwe Boll films out there destroying things I love.

It pains me to say this, because I'm the kind of guy who loves adaptation, to see a game or comic or book become a movie, but if you can't start getting it right, for the love of god STOP DOING IT. This is Kyle Fulton, reminding you to use your bullet time sparingly. You run out fast.

Just why did I buy all these games anyways?

So here it is, 11 pm, Saturday night, January, and above all, 2009. Over the past year, I have bought two game systems, and well over 50 games for every system i own, from the N64 ranging to the PS3. And I'm FLIPPING BORED. Does anyone else find this happening to them? I've played every single one of those games, and goodness knows for every game I've ever beaten, there are a dozen I never finished. I own hundreds of them, with over thirty on the PS2 alone. At least twenty DS games, a dozen game boy games, thirty N64 games, countless PS1 games, Sega, Game gear, Dreamcast, Xbox. Hell, I even have a game on my frickin' iPod! MY IPOD.

My point is that I have all of these games, and for some reason, every now and then, nothing holds my attention. Tonight alone I've played Banjo Kazooie, A Link to the Past, A Shadow of Destiny, Shadowgate 64, Shadows of the Empire, Metal Gear Solid 4, and RE: 4. NONE of them have held my attention at all. I love every one of them, and I want to play them all, but for some reason... meh. I have this odd feeling of really desperately wanting to play a game, but I simply can't figure out which one it is.

Even more interestingly, why on earth am I not playing the Final Fantasy games I haven't beat? Or finishing Farcry 2 or Fallout 3? All of them are amazing games, all of them deserve to be beaten... but for some reason I currently find them supremely unappealing. So instead I find myself doing the gamer version of walking the earth, drifting from game to game, searching for some undefinable something. Something in a game that would just... hold my attention. Hell, even a second playthrough of Silent Hill: Homecoming is warranted, but not done.

I can't be the only gamer who has this malady. I've never been able to solve it. The only solution seems to be to immediately buy or rent something comepletely new, and hope that my mind stays with it long enough to beat it. What is it that causes this gaming wanderlust? Why do i continue to buy new games when I haven't even beaten the ones I have? Why don't games that used to keep me rapt hold me for even ten minutes anymore? I have no bloody idea, but if I ever find a solution, I'll let you know. Until next time, folks, may your wiimote never run out of batteries.