Saturday, January 24, 2009
Top 15 Games of All Time - IMHO Edition
In no particular order I will start off with...
The Halo Series - XBOX / XBOX 360
Unlike Kyle, I think some of the series can be grouped together, and the Halo series deserves to be grouped together. Originally supposed to be a game for the Mac, Halo's developer, Bungie, was purchased by Microsoft to bring the FPS to the new game system, the XBOX. WIth that Bungie released a game that had a good story line, great multiplayer, both co-op and versus, had intuitive controls (providing you were not using the controller so lovingly named "The Boat"), and was a great example of graphical power of the XBOX. Halo 2 they added Live support while still tweaking with the mechanics of the game play, and with Halo 3 they added more modes, such as the Forge map editor, Theater Mode and 4 player Co-op in both system link and over XBOX LIVE. Besides, love or hate the game, Red vs. Blue is a byproduct of the Halo series, and that's not bad.
Super Mario Brothers 3 - NES
Holy cow do I love this game. the fact that I can sit down with a game that is 20 years old and still remember 90 percent of the secrets speaks to the amout of thought and level design was put into this game.
Rockband Series - Multiconsole
Not trying to sound like a fanboy here, but the Rockband series has a different vibe than that Guitar Hero series, even though the developer of Rockband is the same as who started off the Guitar Hero series, Rockband has 60 straight weeks of DLC that works on both RB and RB2. putting at last check over 350 songs for download, add that to the 55 out of the 58 that you can export from RB to RB2 and the 84 songs that come with RB2, and add the AC/DC pack that you can export to RB2, that is over 500 songs to play. Compare that to the 75 DLC songs and 86 that came on the disc, I would rather have the game with the larger lineup.
Super Mario Brothers / Duck Hunt - NES
If I have to explain this, you should not be here!
The Pokemon Series - GB / GBA / DS
The mega cash cow that Nintendo has hidden away on the 13 floor of their headquarters says "Moo-lah". Sorry for the hideous pun, but the fact is this series has made a ton of money for Nintendo. The funny thing about it is that they are just selling the same game each time with either an upgrade in pokemon, or better graphics, but the overall point is to try and catch them all. This game is like crack. Since my first taste of Pokemon Yellow on the Gameboy Colour, I have picked up at least one version of the many releases. On another note, I also picked up the trading card game on GBC, note how that game is not on the list...
Starcraft - PC
Yes, the game the Koreans love to die for... literally! This is a classic RTS that many people still play it. I still play it, and will keep playing it until Starcraft 2 comes out. Which according to the latest news I have heard, the release date is set for the day satan skates to work.
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 - Genesis
Man I love this game. Like Super Mario Brothers 3, this is another game that I can remember the secrets for. Such as going to the sound test to activate either the level select or Super Sonic. My favorite (and still love that they kept it in the Virtual Console release) is that you could hook up a second controller and have Tails be your.... well... for lack of a better word... bitch. If he died, he would always come back. So Sonic, avoid the dangers, send the suicidal Tails in first and everything is going to be all right.
Final Fantasy - NES
Yes the original, and not the series. Being Square's last chance to make a successful game before possibly going out of business, and oh what a game it was. Yes the rest of the series has it's charms. I'm looking at you VII, but the first one always rings true for me.
Starfox 64 - Nintendo 64
First game I owned on a N64. I remember that it also came with a rumble pack for the controller. Just writing about this game makes me want to turn on my Wii (well to be fair, hook it back up) and play it on the Virtual Console. From the movable "64" on the title screen to the multiple different paths that you can take to reach the end of the game. A solid game through and through.
Portals - PC / XBOX 360 / PS3
From day one, I knew that this was going to be awesome. While Kyle appears not to know what he is talking about because the second installment was released MONTHS ago. Kyle, look up Portals: Still Alive for the XBOX Live Arcade. The game is so simple, but addicting like crap. Because of this game, I highly doubt that I am the only one with a plan of action the day I am able to have a Portal Gun in real life.
Super Mario 64 - Nintendo 64
Super Mario Galaxy did not make the list because I did not want to put 16 games on here. It is a great game, and I mean it no ill will when I say that I think Super Mario 64 was a better game, because in my mind, it offered more of a challenge that Galaxy. Plus the fact they re-relased the game for both the DS and the Wii Virtual Console added with the fact that the re-releases are selling pretty decently shows that I am not the only one that enjoys this game.
Shadowgate - Mac / NES
This game creeped me out to no end when I was younger. This game came out when I was roughly 4 years old. In fact it was 20 years ago this year that it was released for the NES. When you died, and please keep in mind that I am around 4-5 years old at the time, when ever you died, it would scare the hell out of me with the picture of death that comes up. Granted I am better now. I did grow up after all, but it was a good game after I got over the fear of death in the game. Look it up, you shall enjoy it!
Galaga - NES
Mention the name of this game, and the theme music plays in my head. It was a simple but great nonetheless shooter. Grab it on the Virtual Console, it's only 5 bucks.
Pilotwings 64
Sequel to the SNES game Pilot Wings, this flight sim for the 64 had great missions, but this games appeal did not come from the missions, but rather the game play. One of my favorite modes is the Birdman mode. No point to this mode, just to explore and relax. There was a sequel planned for the Gamecube, sadly this got the axe when Factor 5 split with Nintendo. I still hold hope for a sequel, until then I will have to wait for the Virtual Console release. Hey Shiggy, after Pikmin, make a new Pilotwings!
Steel Battalion - XBOX
This deserves a mention. How incredibly awesome is a game that you need a 40 button controller just to play the game. Sure the game and the controller cost 200 bucks, but talk about realism. The controller is so epic that you have a separate button for windshield wipers, and an eject button. I think that if they were to release a next-gen version with a USB, it would be epic.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Top 15 Games of All Time - K to the Y to the L to the E
Goldeneye 007: I'm a Bond geek in epic ways, and this game was the first real FPS I played at length. I judge almost every shooter I ever play against it. I don't feel I need to say more.
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time : I decided at the beginning if the article that i would only post specific games, not entire series, and I feel like Ocarina of time simply embodies what Zelda is, can be, and will become. A sprawling adventure the likes of which had never been seen at the time, and the reason I yell HAI when cutting bread.
Super Mario Galaxy : It completely redefined what 3D platformer can be, and boy oh boy did it do it well. There's just so much to do, and so many places to visit. I've spent hours on this game, and not noticed.
Banjo-Kazooie : A strange game about a bear and a bird fighting a witch may seem out of place, but it took the go-and-find-stuff type of game and it absolutely perfected it. This was back when Rare was king.
Resident Evil 4 : Wii Edition : Porter already talked about this one a bit, and i feel pretty much the way he did. It was great on the Gamecube, it was ok on the PS2, but it truly SHINED on the Wii. Nuff said.
Bioshock: Bioshock was fun, atmospheric, creepy, and it actually had a good story. the gameplay is fun and angagiing, and it was one of the only shooters of recent generations to not limit your amount of weapons to one or two at a time, and to allow medpack healing instead of magically healing when you hide. It was a bit of a throwback in that way, but far advanced in others.
Dead Space: What can i say about Dead Space? It was freaky, fun, challenging, and it had a good story going for it! It was even genuinely frightening, something that not much is for me. I always walked away from the game with the feeling that I really didn't want to be alone right now. Good stuff.
Silent Hill 2 : This was the first survival horror game that gave me nightmares. It was just plain freaky, with those shambling things, and the ever popular Pyramid Head. The puzzles were fun and interesting, and the story left me feeling.... icky.
Portal : This was a fun little experiment. Straightforward gameplay, straightforward goal. Get from one end of the room to the other. With a portal gun. I'm eager to see where they take Portal 2.
Metal Gear Solid 3 : Ok, we all knew this was coming. With one amazing exception, this is my favorite game of all time, and this is the best game in the series. It combines the best of the gameplay from the previous games with new elements, such as the jungle survival tactics, and the fun of a cold war setting. It feels like a classic spy story, and I truly loved every last minute.
Kingdom Hearts II : If ever a game concept has sounded stupider than Kingdom Hearts, it's probably from Shigeru Miyamoto. However, just like the Shiggy, this game was a startling success. The careful blend of Disney with Square seemed to truly create an original and epic plot. It dominated my imagination for a long time after I finished it.
Max Payne II : The slow motion gunplay of the first game got a face lift, and now looked beautiful and smooth. I loved this sequel.
Oblivion : Elder Scrolls IV : This one almost didn't make the list, but then I thought about it. I think I have spent more time on this game than I have on any other, EVER. Even Pokemon took less time out of my life. In total, with multiple save files. I believe I have had well over 300 hours of gameplay in this first person RPG. Holy crap.
Final Fantasy IX : The inevitable Final Fantasy on my list has a special place in my heart because it combined the old gameplay of the originals with sleek and interesting visuals made possible by the PS1's at the time stellar graphics. A true classic.
Shadow of the Colossus : This game is truly my favorite game of all time. I have beaten it a dozen times, and I still play it regularly. There are only 16 enemies in the game, but they are all massive. Huge to the point where you have to climb them to kill them. It was truly an epic experience, and a masterpiece of what games could be.
That's my list. I can only hope that our third member, keith, follows along and announces his 15 most likely far less awesome games list.
Top 15 Games of All Time - Portex

Not in any particular order I have listed above what I feel are the 15 best games I have ever played. The picture and list comes from a voting system developed by gamefaqs.com and that is my entry. Below I will give my reasons for why I chose these games.
Xenogears: Xenogears is my favorite game ever, period. It was a game that read like a novel, and played even better. The battle system was tight and fluid allowing the user to create their own combos of martial arts, or get in a giant gear and change up the formula slightly. It was addicting, the story was engrossing, and the characters were fascinating. Pick this one up if you haven't already, I implore you!
Super Mario Galaxy: There's not much to say about this one that gamers shouldn't already be aware of. This game is quite simply the greatest 3D plat former ever. It was easy enough for newbies and challenging as all hell for anyone trying the daunting task of mastering the game. I loved every minute of its gravity defying and outright torturous level design. It is Myamoto's last masterpiece as of now and if you haven't played this, you do not know what you're missing.
Baten Kaitos: If I wanted I would have added both Baten Kaitos games, the only reason I picked the first one was because the battle system was far more intense and fun. For those unaware (and that's probably all of you) Baten Kaitos had one of the most unique and fast paced battle systems I have ever seen. You are given a handful of seconds to combine and string together a series of cards that you have entered in as a deck for each unique character. That string is determined by basic card game rules of like pairs, a straight, flush, and so on. The fun was that this was the case for both offense and defense. Never before has every battle in an RPG been just as fun as the one before it since trying to maximize your attack string was absolutely addicting. Oh, yeah and the story/music was fabulous as well.
Xenosaga III: All 3 were great in story / music, but Xenosaga III is most notable for its conclusion and playable battle system. If you didn't tackle the previous 2 or Xenogears don't bother with this game though.
Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time: While I personally think Twilight Princess is the better game, in the list of voting I had to represent its father. If I have to explain this pick then you are not a gamer.
Final Fantasy 7: Stay away from the internet when you hear opinions about this game. For some reason a whole bunch of people smog hate over it for no good reason. This is the best Final Fantasy Square ever made, period. Every character had a unique and interesting back story, the villain was mesmerizing, the music was flawless, and the story was paced and presented so perfectly that you forget you're playing an RPG sometimes.
Street Fighter 2: My opinions are well known about this entry, see my previous blog for more info.
Super Mario 3: Super duh explains this pick.
Devil May Cry 3: The DMC series transformed the 'hack n' slash' formula to whole new heights. DMC3 did it the best with the most unique number of bosses, attacks, and all out fun fun fun! Oh, and it was bitching hard! But that's ok, I loved it for that reason. Do not play this if you have heart problems.
Mega Man Zero 3: I love everything about Mega Man. I have beat and played every Mega Man game that isn't some super weird spin-off, and trust me this is the best you can get out of Mega Man. Zero 3 does everything right from bosses, to minor enemies, to no hassle and fun side quests. I have literally beat this game 10 times, and you should beat it too!
Mirror's Edge: Again I have wrote about this one already, it is fantastic.
Golden Sun: The first RPG to hit a Nintendo console in years at the time really showcased just what was right about traditional RPG's. Granted the second game in the series was bigger, longer, and better I chose the first one only because the second one has this ridiculous 5 hour dungeon in the middle of the game that makes me never want to play it again!
Resident Evil 4 (Wii): The Wii version is the best, period. The aiming is so precise you can snipe with a pistol. RE4 needs no further touting of its greatness though.
Goldeneye 007: Once again, if I have to explain this choice then you have no business on a gaming site.
Star Wars Rouge Squadren II: This is the most fluid and precise aerial combat game ever conceived. This was when Factor 5 could make a game and make it well. Without a doubt this is the best Star Wars game ever made as well. Those who argue for Knights of the Old Republic do not understand that Star Wars is and always will be an action movie, and KotOR was about as boring as a game can get. Live the spirit of Star Wars through a game that can get your heart racing, that's all I'm saying.
*If you haven't played at least one of the above, I will personally come to your house with lighter fluid, a box of matches, 20 gallons of sulfuric acid, a double-barreled shotgun, 10 playboy magazines, and a select few of the above games and force you to play them*
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Max Pain in my ASS

Max Payne hit DVD yesterday and it just pisses me off. Here we have a game that's perfectly suited to be adapted into a movie. It has a clear story and gameplay that's almost literally based on slow motion sequences from action movies. So, you need three things to make a good Max Payne movie. You need an actor who looks the part, you need slow motion gunfights, and you need them to be poetically self narrated. Seriously, why is that so freaking hard?
Really quickly, for those of you who don't know, the story is as such: A cop's family is murdered and as he degenerates in a downward spiral of depression and obsession, he uncovers the massive drug conspiracy that caused their deaths, killing everyone in his path. So, you know, basically any action film made in the 80s.
Ok, first we heard about the cast. Decent casting, I'll say that for sure. Mark Wahlberg definitely looks the part of Max, and he's a decent enough actor. Ok, no worries there. Then theres a quick appearence by Olga Kurylenko, the most recent Bond girl. Not the best actress in the world, but certainly not awful. Then there's... ew. Mila Kunis. I'll just ignore her. Wait... she's playing Mona Sax? MEG FROM FAMILY GUY!? PLAYING A BEAUTIFUL FEMME FATALE!? I... I was willing to overlook this one at first, but upon re-seeing the film... ick. Add that to the fact that Jack Lupino, the supposed ultimate warrior killing machine is played by the mexican guy from Prison Break, and we sort of have a problem here.
Well at least we get plenty of gruesome action scenes, with blood splattering and bullets flying and... oh... wait... its PG-13? Really? Well, ok. That's not the worst news ever. It can still work, as long as all the action scenes are just as stylish and beautiful as the trai... ler... Oh no. The ONLY slow motion and stylized sequences in the film are in the trailer, folks. The ONLY ONES. In a film, based on a game, literally set ENTIRELY around slow motion action scenes... I counted two of them. Two. One consisted literally entirely of Max firing one shotgun, once. Dear god. Why is this such a difficult formula? Every action movie in the past ten years has had entirely too much slow motion. Now, the ONE TIME when it's all I'm asking for, NOW hollywood decides to hold back. That's just peachy.
Well, at least we have that atmospheric, poetic naration to look forward to! The trailer teases us with the haunting lines, "There's an army of bodies under this river, people who ran out of time, out of friends. I could feel the dead down there, reaching up to welcome me as one of their own. It was an easy mistake to make." Gorgeous! Moody, atmospheric, a little over the top, and above all, just like the game! If the movie has narration even half this good... uh oh... why are you looking at me like that? Oh, that's right. The movie has next to NO narration. It opens with similar line sto the trailer, and then there's nothing. Nothing at all until the close of the film. The entire storytelling style of the Max Payne game hinges on old fashioned over the top narration, one of the EASIEST things to write, and they just, what DECIDED not to do it? What the HELL!? Did the film makers even PLAY the game?
I have NEVER been more disappointed in my life. I had high expectations, and they got completely and utterly DASHED. It makes me want to go on a slow motion killing spree. I genuinely don't understand what makes it so damned difficult to make a movie based on a game. Cut only what you have to, try to remain true to the spirit of the film, and above all, try to retain the STYLE. Doom was hardly the best movie I've ever seen, but it sure as hell FELT like the game. Silent hill was atmospheric and creepy, using the unnerving music and sound effects I know so well from the series. But it seems for every single DECENT adaptation I've ever seen, there are a million Uwe Boll films out there destroying things I love.
It pains me to say this, because I'm the kind of guy who loves adaptation, to see a game or comic or book become a movie, but if you can't start getting it right, for the love of god STOP DOING IT. This is Kyle Fulton, reminding you to use your bullet time sparingly. You run out fast.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Just why did I buy all these games anyways?

So here it is, 11 pm, Saturday night, January, and above all, 2009. Over the past year, I have bought two game systems, and well over 50 games for every system i own, from the N64 ranging to the PS3. And I'm FLIPPING BORED. Does anyone else find this happening to them? I've played every single one of those games, and goodness knows for every game I've ever beaten, there are a dozen I never finished. I own hundreds of them, with over thirty on the PS2 alone. At least twenty DS games, a dozen game boy games, thirty N64 games, countless PS1 games, Sega, Game gear, Dreamcast, Xbox. Hell, I even have a game on my frickin' iPod! MY IPOD.
My point is that I have all of these games, and for some reason, every now and then, nothing holds my attention. Tonight alone I've played Banjo Kazooie, A Link to the Past, A Shadow of Destiny, Shadowgate 64, Shadows of the Empire, Metal Gear Solid 4, and RE: 4. NONE of them have held my attention at all. I love every one of them, and I want to play them all, but for some reason... meh. I have this odd feeling of really desperately wanting to play a game, but I simply can't figure out which one it is.
Even more interestingly, why on earth am I not playing the Final Fantasy games I haven't beat? Or finishing Farcry 2 or Fallout 3? All of them are amazing games, all of them deserve to be beaten... but for some reason I currently find them supremely unappealing. So instead I find myself doing the gamer version of walking the earth, drifting from game to game, searching for some undefinable something. Something in a game that would just... hold my attention. Hell, even a second playthrough of Silent Hill: Homecoming is warranted, but not done.
I can't be the only gamer who has this malady. I've never been able to solve it. The only solution seems to be to immediately buy or rent something comepletely new, and hope that my mind stays with it long enough to beat it. What is it that causes this gaming wanderlust? Why do i continue to buy new games when I haven't even beaten the ones I have? Why don't games that used to keep me rapt hold me for even ten minutes anymore? I have no bloody idea, but if I ever find a solution, I'll let you know. Until next time, folks, may your wiimote never run out of batteries.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Street Fighter!

For those who hear the podcast you will know that I am obsessed with Street Fighter at the moment. I have been playing it at any opportunity (and blogging while I'm at work). I don't know exactly where to go with this article, I thought about providing the history of Street Fighter, but other sites do that. Should I inform the masses of the greatness of the characters? Plot? ...lol plot. So that's where my pondering leads me to a conclusion, I will discuss why Street Fighter is the greatest fighting game franchise of all time.
So it all started with the rivalry. That being between Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter II, (Street Fighter 1 doesn't exist!!!) Ahem, anyway Mortal Kombat was marketed to the consumer as the 'adult' fighting game because it oozed blood and guts at every turn. What it lacked was good fighting game mechanics. Everything in Mortal Kombat felt stiff, and un-evolved. There was no combo system in place at the time. Characters were limited and far too similar. Pulling off special moves were often difficult and fatalities were nearly impossible even if you knew the button combination. The draw? Graphics and blood. Street Fighter II had game play in spades where Mortal Kombat fumbled around for better pacing and character balance. The ultimate atrocity of the Mortal Kombat series was how utterly stiff it was. Every character in the roster had the same punch and kick with no combo options until later in the series. The kicks were straight and slow and the punches were limited and often useless. In Mortal Kombat the rule of thumb was to throw the opponent or uppercut them, everything else was just setting up those damage inducing moves.
What made Street Fighter head over heels better was EVERY character had a different and unique way of striking. Not only were their special moves different, but strategic strikes were different from character to character. Mortal Kombat failed at being a good fighting game in my opinion because of this fact.
So the war raged on between the two and as history shows Street Fighter came out on top in terms of sales and longevity. But wait, we're not done yet, there's plenty more games to compare Street Fighter to.
Killer Instinct is a fantastic fighting game, but how is it worse than the Street Fighter series? Mainly because there are only 2 Killer Instinct games ever, and their combo complexities tamper with its success. I can understand why KI didn't garner the attention it did, you had to be a master of the character you played in order to compete. I remember a time where I challenged a friend of mine to KI who only had some experience with it. Generally in a fighting game a newb can pick up a character and run with him in a half hour or so. With KI that is NOT the case at all. For me, I knew every character's 10 + hit combo sequences, and varieties of those. This advantage was so severe that I never lost 1 round. Even at Street Fighter II I can lose to an utter newb if they play things tricky enough. Some would argue the tell of a good fighting game is when spamming is not a cause for newb wins but it's debatable. Really though, if Killer Instinct was still around I would almost have to argue it is better than Street Fighter. But since it isn't, Street Fighter wins again.
Let's move on to Tekken shall we? Tekken is my favorite 3D fighter and probably isn't fair to compare to Street Fighter. But I will say one word that makes Tekken worse than Street Fighter. That is "Juggling." Done right a competent player of Tekken can win a match by keeping his opponent in the air with one or two quick series' of attacks. This is often cheap and embarrassing, also proves how broken Tekken tends to be. Street Fighter is not unfamiliar with this issue though for anyone who played Street Fighter Alpha 3 and knew Akuma well. Diago proved the world just what he could do and how broken Akuma was, (Diago is the greatest Street Fighter champion of all time). But with Tekken you could do this with almost any character if you were cheap enough making the game rather imbalanced.
Soul Calibur was also made by Namco makers of Tekken and falls into the same traps as Tekken. The most recent Soul Calibur I find to be well balanced offline but a horrible game online. Because of button lag, a few characters can be exploited in such a way where the person using him in that way cannot lose. I'm looking at you Astaroth and Ivy. After 15 hours of not being able to counter because of button lag, I gave up. For those unaware, button lag is when you press a button and nothing happens on screen for a few seconds. This may sound negligible, but in a fighting game it is VITAL. So basically I see a trick come at me from Astaroth I am used to seeing, I know HOW to counter it, and I even know it's coming, but I can't counter it in time. I would have to be psychic and predict that he's going for the move before it happens and do the appropriate counter before the animation even begins. Why does this make the game worse if the online component is the only thing holding it back? Well because Street Fighter II HD Remix is online and there is ZERO button lag. So Street Fighter wins again.
I could go on and on but I'd rather not. So look for Street Fighter IV everyone, it should be a grand game indeed.
*Ryu: Hadoken! Sagat: Wait, wait what? Ryu: ...hadoken...? Sagat: Yes that, what the hell is that? Ryu: Your end Sagat! Sagat: Sounds like the name of a failed vacuum cleaner to me....*
Monday, January 12, 2009
Resident Evil : Degeneration - The Good, The Bad, and The What the hell is that!?
Anyone who reads our blog, i.e. no one, knows exactly how I felt about Dead Space: Downfall. It left a sour taste in my mouth that only copious amounts of blood and gore could fill. In addition to that, now, it nearly cost me one of the better direct to video game movie experiences of my life. I was left feeling so icky by it that I very nearly neglected to give Resident Evil: Degeneration a shot. What a shame that would have been!
Resident Evil is a long standing series of good horror games that has somehow mutated into an amazing action game. This latest installment was a fully CG movie that followed the continuing adventures of the main character from both RE2 and 4, Leon S. Kennedy, or as he shall henceforth be known, Badass S. Badasserson. The film also takes the female lead from 2, Claire Redfield, and inserts her next to him again. As a sort of reunion of two characters I love of old, it was nice. That aside, the movie was just FUN.
It begins in an airport when Claire, who is now a member of an anti-bioengineering group, arrives, presumably to harass or otherwise inconvenience an arriving senator thought to be behind the nuking of Racoon City years earlier. Shortly thereafter, as with everywhere Claire has EVER gone outside of the bathroom, zombies attack. This new spread of the ever dangerous T-virus is immediately viewed as terrorism by the U.S. Government, who send in their ultimate weapon: Badass S. Badasserson himself, armed with a pistol and a stylish leather jacket. The movie quickly explodes from there into a nonstop action extravaganza of exploding heads, flying limbs, and the constant yelling of the words "Aim for the head!" Fans of Claire will be happy to hear that, as is traditional, she catches a gun in a physically improbable way at the last second to shoot an enemy.
The villain was actually one of the most well made in the series, having a clear motivation for once. Usually, RE villains either leave me confused and wishing I knew what the hell was going on (Wesker) or laughing at their countless silly voices (every other villain, most notably the inexplicable French midget in 4). The only scary villains are the ones with absolutely NO attempt at a story, i.e. Mr. X and the Nemisis.
I'm finding it difficult to continue typing here, as I don't want to give anything away, and if the movie has one major flaw, its not having a whole lot to hide. It was very straightforward, start to finish, without much of a plot to speak of. The only other problem I have with it is a lack of monsters. The only creatures involved were the zombies, and one big G-Virus critter, ala William Birkin from 2. To me, the games hav never felt like zombie games so much as monster games where one of the possible monsters to fight is zombies, but that could just be me.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that if you are a fan of Resident Evil, you will greatly enjoy this movie. It has monsters, silly action scenes, bad dialogue, and just enough absurdity to keep you from taking yourself too seriously. It's classic RE, in all its warped glory, and it has me chomping at the bit for Resident Evil 5. Enjoy.
Five out of Five Shambling Corpses
Resisting Resistance 2
One word review: Disappointing. Resistance 2 is not what you think it should be in any way shape or form. It deviates so much from the first Resistance that you forget you are playing the sequel to a game, that in many ways, brought the words 'next gen game' into full meaning. I will attempt to describe why you should resist Resistance 2.1. Story Progression - Unlike Resistance 1 where it was unique in telling the story from a third party perspective in narration and generally giving the player a keen understanding of the events surrounding the chimera and mysterious Nathan Hale, Resistance 2 tries to be Half-Life where the story plays out as you go in real time. While this isn't a bad thing, it is when the main character suddenly transforms from a mysterious war hero to trying to be like everyone in Gears of War simply barking out orders to everyone constantly and the writers pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Problem is, there isn't a story here at all. I wouldn't normally mind that if the first Resistance didn't do such a great job setting up a story to begin with. For instance, Gear of War had a crappy do nothing man love story to begin with, so no one hopes for a better one in Gears of War 2 and our expectations are met. But here we have Resistance 2: Listen to Hale Yell A lot 'of Man'.
2. Game play - While I normally commend designers for changing things up in the sequel, this is not the case for Resistance 2. Everything they changed here was honestly for the worse. The health system in Resistance 1 gave you four tiny life bars that could be rejuvenated by picking up health items. Resistance 2 has the Call of Duty 4 / Halo way of doing things where you get shot and sit in a corner to heal for a bit. problem is with Resistance 2 you die so quickly that there are few times where finding cover is an option. Especially when the enemies can shoot through solid objects most of the time, or when 60% of cover spaces leaves your head wide open even while ducking.
Resistance 1 allowed you to have a shit ton of fun weapons (even if most of them were useless). Resistance 2 allows you to only ever have 2 weapons at a given time. The game provides itself the necessary weapons when the situation arises. Far away enemies? Look Nathan there's a sniper rifle right there! Large behemoth monster? Rocket launcher! So, no more fun strategy playing into anything you do, you're just given the solution.
3. Difficulty will be my last game play complaint, but trust you me I could go on. Resistance 1 had the aura of being very hard, and enemies were tough to take down and they had 100% accuracy. But, it really wasn't that hard of a game since you got bountiful health items and ammo. Not to mention it was fun and each level was very short and had maybe 1 or 2 checkpoints. You didn't die much is what I'm getting at. Resistance 2 on the other hand has 1 to 2 hour long levels with hundreds of checkpoints because the developers know you're going to need them. Instead of being a fun FPS with strategic elements like the first game, Resistance 2 has the philosophy that constant trial and error is rewarding. I'm sorry, but trying to cross a bridge getting bum rushed by Drones while enemies with Augurs (shoots through walls) fire away at you (3 hits your dead) while you have insufficient weapons and are dying for an hour straight is not my idea of a good time. Another instance plays out where seemingly endless hoards of Drones come at you in a tiny cornered off section where my only success came in tricking the AI by putting Nathan in the middle of a small staircase. Apparently, that just throws the AI for a loop and not ALL of them rushed me. There are many, many more moments like this where you will die countless times only to move a few paces ahead in the game.
Oh, and need I mention the game comes complete with 2 different enemies that kill you in 1 hit just for the fun of it? Yeah because it does. Fall into the water? Yeah you are dead since the invincible fish army will destroy you. That's right you can't kill them even though you can see them just a few feet away from you in the water. And the invisible chameleon enemies kill you in 1 hit, and you kill them in about the same amount which is at least fair. What I love is there is always a checkpoint before and after these guys because the developers probably felt bad about it.
Alright, so my complaints are in the main game mostly. Which is a shame, because I bought it for the main game. The multiplayer is quite spectacular though. I won't go into much detail but I will say it does what most other FPS games do only better. Capture the flag, co-op modes, death matches so on and so on. Things that will be useless in about 2 years since no one will play it anymore. Which is why I never like to review the multiplayer since it will be obsolete at some point.
Are there any redeeming qualities in the solo campaign? My answer is unfortunately no.
*Technically, while playing you should hear this a lot, "Hale? Haaale? HAAAAAAALE!!!!"*
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Dead Space: Downfall

Dead Space was one of the most fun, horrifying experiences I have had in recent years without having to summon up some actual zombies myself. Note: Do not try that at home, kids. It's at best very messy.
Anyways, I ADORED the game for reasons that many of you have probably already heard from one source or another, so of course I was rather eager when I heard that an animated film based on the backstory of the game was on the way. I popped right down to Meijer in the middle of the night to buy it. Within thirty seconds of putting it into my dvd player, I knew I had made a horrible, horrible mistake.
I proceeded to spend twenty minutes watching unskippable previews for bad low budget horror films that I had little to no interest in. You may condemn me for mentioning bad previews in a movie review, but when the movie is ONLY available on DVD, it's a part of the viewing experience as much as anything else is. In any case, after I wethered through that onslaught, I hit play on the actual movie. The animation was that disgusting style I call Americanime. Now, I'm an anime nerd. I love the style, the design, everything about it. What I HATE is when American artists use the fact that anime is popular as an excuse to animate less frames per second, thus leading to that "popular" anime choppieness. It's downright lazy is all it is. In any case this film was literally INFESTED with choppy animation whenever they could get away with it. The dialogue throughout was very badly written, and the voice acting... well... Let's just say the highlight of the voiceacting was recognizing the voice of Cat. From Catdog. Yeah. It really kind of ruined it for me, too.
My main point is that essentially everything about the movie was bad for NO reason. Still, I was a big fan of the game, so I stuck it through, trying hard to not get too upset. Honestly, I was rewarded with some very awesome gore payoffs. That's one thing the movie had in SPADES. The creatures were all properly designed to match, and it pulled even less punches on the gore than the game did, which has to be some kind of record. All in all, the gore kind of saved the rest of it, but only for people like me.
If mindless droning gore and violence is not your idea of a lovely evening, avoid this one at all costs. If, however, you love to see the red splatter, or are a huge fan of the game, it provides some interesting distraction.
6 out of 10 floating body parts.
Longest RPG I have EVER played
I'm a Role Playing Gamer by nature, and for the most part have played just about every RPG out there. Normally, when marketing an RPG developers will claim that their game boasts up to and over 80 hours of gameplay. The only time I have ever reached that amount of time was on Final Fantasy 7 making sure I did everything. And by everything I mean obsessively getting characters to level 99, maxing out Knights of the Round (three times) along with other absurd needless tasks ultimately over preparing for the Emerald Weapon. So, in all actuality Final Fantasy 7 only took me 40 hours to beat the first time, and subsequent play-throughs less and less time. Mastering it only took 86 hours. So I was 6 hours over the average boasted amount doing tasks that were just astronomically useless and only something a nerdy fanboy like me would ever do.
But I'm here to discuss Dragon Quest 8. I just recently got around to playing this behemoth of a game the past few months. I have had a lot on my slate and when I tackle an RPG I like to ensure that it is given the proper time and care. I hate stopping an RPG partway through for another game and then totally losing my place when I come back to it. Where am I going with all of this you ask? Well, Dragon Quest 8 like the title of the article implies is the LONGEST RPG I have ever played. What's more is I haven't even beat it yet. I am damn close though, and pine to finish it by the weekend.
Let's answer the first and most obvious question, is the game any good? Of course it is! I wouldn't have kept going otherwise. The only RPG I have ever outright quit playing because it stunk so much was Star Ocean 3. I'll write another article about the ways in which that game blew chunks. Still, Dragon Quest 8 is a marvelous game. Its best assets are in its amazing graphics, wonderful music score, and well developed characters which is lacking in many newer RPGs. Also, DQ8 has the amazing ability to make me want to explore every nook and cranny of the game. Never have I really felt like I was playing an adventure than with this game. Due to its light tone and atmosphere the game never pushes you in a sense of urgency allowing you to explore whenever you want to and make it feel fun.
The downsides of the game are minimal at best. The battle system can get repetitive during the game, but when you come across bosses the game ramps up to a degree of strategy that I have honestly never seen in a RPG. Normally I'll whip out the move which crushes the earth and is so overpowered you wonder why the developers made it. Most Final Fantasy games allow you to level up beyond your foe to a point where hitting the attack command is the only thing you need to do. DQ8 says screw that and every boss fight is a new and interesting challenge with no real key move to bank on. This becomes a downside only in that the game produces ZERO cave save points. So you run through a cave that takes you roughly 1 hour or less and get owned by some giant Mole boss and what do you get? A game over screen is what. And yeah that cave you went through? You have to do that again too. And anything you forgot to save before adventuring into said cave.
So what makes the game so absurdly long? The answer lies with the games level up system, and expansive world. Never before have I worked so hard to obtain levels in a game before. I am currently 57 hours in nearing the end of the game with no side quests completed for the most part and my characters are on average level 37. Doing the math that's .64 levels per hour. Grindfest is an understatement with this game, and half the reason why playtime is above and beyond my usual 40 hours spent beating other RPGs. The other half is the expansive world coupled with random encounters. Make no mistake Dragon Quest 8 is a large game. Navigating from town to town on foot can take well over an hour or more if you are under-leveled. The random encounters make things all the worse because the enemies come in large numbers and are tough to take down in one turn. Usually it takes three to four turns to get out of a battle, which is a lot by comparison to other RPGs.
Also, let's not forget shopping. While leveling up poses its challenges it's also not an effective way to ensure victory over bosses. Leveling gives negligible status upgrades as opposed to equipment which tends to be very pricey for how much gold you get per battle.
All the above is what attributes DQ8 being the longest RPG I have ever played, and the final hour tally is as of yet unresolved. Will I hit that elusive 80 hours? I doubt it, but we shall see.
*"Flee-party is unable to flee" *hits power button* "flee this b#*@$!"*
Friday, December 12, 2008
Mirror's Edge Unsung Hero of 2008

It's been a while, I know you all miss me. Well this is probably late news for anyone who cares but I'm going to discuss Mirror's Edge. I'm going to sift through the lies it should not have received and cooperate shilling it should have received.
So what is Mirror's Edge? I assume you don't know because the sales of this game were abysmal. Mirror's Edge is a game where you are a hot Asian chick with monkey like acrobatic skills who can maneuver herself around just about any terrain (preferably 21st century colorless architecture) by means of leaping, ducking, diving, rolling, and of course running. As a game, this is just about as cool an idea as you can get. It is at its very basic a first person platformer. So why didn't it sell well you ask? There are probably a few reasons I'll touch on later, but first I'm going to tell you why it should have sold well.
Mirror's Edge spans 10 levels of heart wrenching, death defying leaps and chase sequences. A game that introduces itself as one where you run away from the police while delivering sensitive materials quickly (in the second level mind you) boils down to uncovering some fiendish government plot involving your sister. So it's up to you to save her!
Okay the plot is a mess, but for anyone who touched the demo knows what is enjoyable about the game. That simply is the running mechanics. You can scale the city scape in nearly limitless ways, and try your best to keep a fast pace going. Keeping a fast pace is why it was snubbed by many reviewers. While it is possible to play through these levels without stopping much or at all, the first play through will often leave you lost and confused for what happens next. This can be frustrating but any gaming perfectionist (not someone wanting to whiz through the game just to review it) understands that it will take patience to do well and map out quick destinations. So how can I fault the game for adding puzzle elements? I can't.
Outside of the main quest are the time trials and speed runs. One mode lets you try and race through one of the 10 levels and the other gives you tiny portions to see how fast you can go through them. This is where the game really shines, as it challenges you specifically to find the fastest routes. If you're not into getting better times and improving through practice this is not the game for you, clearly.
On to the most complained about aspect of the game, the combat. Not too sure what the issue is as there is no point in the game where it forces you to fight anything. In fact it's always more beneficial not to fight. But to speak of the system for a moment in no instance did I feel it was poor in any way. Personally, it feels broken for how easy it is. Every enemy I came across I would run up to him do a slide low kick to the groin and proceed to finish him off. From there weapons can be acquired if you want them and then shoot to death the rest of the enemies. The only time where combat is difficult is if you decide to fist fight one of those SWAT members with a mini-gun. Generally speaking that's just a bad idea anyway so I can't blame the developers for judging that if one should fight someone with a mini-gun then that person should die a horrible death.
So what I'm trying to say is, play Mirror's Edge!
"A leap of faith is retarded, there's spikes at the bottom."
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
PC Gamer?
So I think I may have a problem. I think I'm becoming a PC gamer! *crowd gasp!* Yeah, I know what you're all thinking, I cannot be saved and I cannot be spared the torment of hours upon hours of tweaking, modding, hacking, upgrading, patching, threading, *gasp wheeze.* Truly, these torturous tortures are my fate, and alas, I am not strong enough to resist the thorough lashings of it all.Honestly though, I am enamored by the PC gaming world. How does it put up with itself? Sure, I'm a lightweight only about 2 years of full fledged PC gaming experience (more if you count the dark years of Diablo II) and wonder why anyone deals with the idea that they won't be playing a new game at its optimum level out of the box, ever. I have had problems with just about every PC game I have ever bought, from Gears of War's save files deleting on their own, to Bioshock having no sound, to the worst problems in Knights of the Old Republic 2 having every PC game problem imaginable.
But you know what? I revel in these problems. I spend hours searching forums for solutions, chatting with others on what works and what doesn't. Searching newegg for the latest and greatest PC parts. Learning what makes a PC tick. Overclocking faq's and FRAPS programs abound! Honestly, I get bored with a PC game now if I've solved how to get it to run. It's kinda sad really. Or maybe it's like working on a used car and getting it to hum just the way you like it.
I am here to help my fellow man though. Below I have a list of the top ten signs you are becoming a PC gamer.
1. You wave your hand in front of your face trying to determine how many frames per second it's going.
2. When opening a bag of marshmellows you wonder to yourself just how far you have to go to make the inside of your computer optimal for making smores.
3. You think the Matrix has you.
4. Things aren't going right so you believe you have to create more men to mine crystals.
5. Honestly believing that sleeping is a form of putting your brain in hibernate mode.
6. First person shooters rarely show your feet, and never show your midsection, you freak out every time you see your sternum.
7. Looking at your shadow, you wonder what shader effects are turned on and what more could be done.
8. Why doesn't grass appear out of nowhere as you walk?
9. You accidentally play a graphics card in a Yu-gi-oh! match.
10. Worst of all, you start buying PC games just to see how well your system can run it.
My friends, if you have any of the above problems please go to your nearest Gamestop and buy a console game, you'll be glad you did. It works right away, always. You'll spend more time playing it than tweaking it, unless you're a tard and put the disc in upside-down.
*A 250ww power supply is not enough to sustain a Nivida 8600GT graphics card, lesson learned*
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Game I would like to see (1)
Politics: The Sweet Science
Into politics? Love and hate them? Want to see your favorite politicians duke it out? Well look no further than Politics: The Sweet Science.
Game play for Politics: The Sweet Science goes like so. As many Americans know our politicians like to spat at each other with words, not fists. Politics: The Sweet Science will pay homage to that ideal. Simply put the game play is a blend of ‘speed’ and ‘scrabble’. Two players enter their politician and are given a health bar and seven letters. As fast as they can they must come up with words. The longer the word the more damage is inflicted on the opponent. Obviously as you make words you are given more letters. First politician to string together the most words and eliminate the other politician wins. It will take roughly 20 four letter words to down an opponent.
Sounds simple right? Well of course there are bonuses and combos that can be done. Let’s list them.
1. Combos are allotted if you create 2 or more words before the opponent can come up with 1 word. This gives you a health bonus depending on the size of the words strung together.
2. Just like in scrabble word bonuses are in effect. Different from scrabble though, certain letters are assigned to double and triple word scores instead of spaces (since there are none).
3. Each politician has their own Political Power which can only be used once per fight. For instance, one can slow the speed of the opponent; one has gradual heal and so on.
4. Creating a word that does not exist will actually damage yourself that amount, so spelling counts!
Animation: The top portion of the screen will handle all the animation of the politicians battling it out. The bottom will have your letters, and the middle of the screen is where you place your letters to confirm a word. Far left and far right will have your health bar listed vertically along with your Political Power.
Game Modes: Regular VS mode, Online VS mode, Rise to the White House which is the single player campaign in which you ‘debeat’ other politicians for political supremacy, and Filibuster which is a survival mode essentially seeing how long you can last against an infinite amount of politicians.
This game should be fast paced and hectic fun despite the relatively boring context.
*I have a bad feeling about this*
SPoor!

Ok, the game isn't out and I haven't played it. But reading early reviews of the game has reassured my initial impressions of the game. Through all its charm and intricacy Spore gives us routinely simplistic game play elements not meant for your average gamer, and certainly not your average PC gamer.
Spore may have creativity in spades but what it appears to lack judging from early reviews is game play elements worth its salt. Starting off as bacteria Spore is at its simplest (which should come as no surprise) as you set out running away from larger bacteria and eating smaller ones to then get out of the primordial soup.
From here you reach land and interact with other species really just trying to keep things level. With only one or two game play options talking and eating Spore continues to be simple.
You then get to the tribal stage where your new goal is to ally or destroy other tribes around you. This is RTS at its most basic with only one resource to gather and two options of ally or attack. Snore!
The games next stage is the civilization stage which, really is just another way of saying tribal stage with a prettier city-scape.
Lastly, you reach the space stage where you can travel to distant galaxies destroying or creating where you see fit. Your only real options here are terrifying a planet, taking it over, or inhabiting it freely, or destroying it. This last stage is what I predicted to be the most boring of all, but actually gives you the most options other than the creature creator of course. But my hopes overall were destroyed when I learned this was not an online experience.
When I first heard that we could travel to other planets I thought we'd be interacting with other online users at the same time. I couldn't have been more wrong. The other creatures that inhabit these planets are ones that are downloaded in the Spore system or ones that are pre-made. So essentially you're still dealing with the computer AI.
So that's it. The game completes here and then you are given the option to start over at any of the stages mentioned above. Bacteria, harvest?, Tribal, Civilization, and Space.
Spore appears to be exactly what I thought it would be. The charm in it is how well the creature designer works, and then you essentially get to watch your little dude walk around and do stuff for a while. Not really a game by any standard in my mind. Not really entertaining either. The limited options this game gives the user screams 'casual gamer.'
*Evolve this @#$%!*
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Star Wars: Force Unleashed (demo) a Porter Perspective
Yay, another Star Wars game! After the countless awful games that Lucas Arts has thrown at us since Rouge Squadron III: Rebel Garbage we get another potential box with "Star Wars" labeled on it to add to our 'Tower of Useless Fanboy cash-ins.' And please don't email me with a better title for our tower, I like em' long and juicy.However, if things go the way of this demo...*insert cliche'd Star Wars gushy praiseful phrase here*
The demo beings with a riviting cutscene with Darth Faker (voice isn't actually James Earl Jones) telling his never before mentioned apprentice how he should go about vanquishing the remaining Jedi that Vader was too mutilated (Obi beat down yall!) to take down. He also encourages him to kill off all things that may bear witness to the coming onslaught. As far as covert Jedi missions go, Vader sure didn't plan things well. I mean I can understand not wanting anyone to know you have an apprentice who wields the power of 1,000 mighty vagabonds (we'll get to that) but to send him to highly populated empireal complexes that apparently harbors a Jedi Vader missed just seems a tad....lazy?
Anyway, plot descrepecies aside letting us slay stormtroopers whether forced or not I guess isn't a bad thing. To get to the game, you control the apprentice who despite his odd if even mentally retarted way of holding a lightsabre is perhaps more powerful that Goku in Dragon Ball Z. Don't get me wrong, the way he holds the lightsabre is COOL but realistically borderline retarded and makes me wonder why Darth Vader didn't force bitch slap him for that filthy habit in Young Sith Training class.
Despite this, as the apprentice you can force bitch slap everyone with varing powers right from the get go. The basics are there, force pull, push, force explode? and force lightning. As far as I played it everything felt smooth as butter with minor annoyances. The lock on system concerning what you want to lift is obviously lacking. But actually thinking about it I can't think how they could improve it other than freezing the game in a super bullet time and letting you select any item you see to then start the action up again. It really isn't all bad and what you end up force holding can come into use on the fly whether you meant for it to or not. Force lightning is probably by far the easist to use since you just press it and things die.
The lightsabre portions are also free and easy. You won't find an inordinate of amount of combos like you would in Devil May Cry or God of War, but it's still fun none the less and I don't see it getting too stale since you combine force powers with 70% of what you're doing anyway.
The demo has you going down hallway after hallway killing off stormtroopers and slamming things into this or that. There weren't any puzzle elements to speak of unless you count using the force to unlock a door by moving the joysticks up and down as the game TELLS you to do so.
And the demo wraps up with you fighting a chicken walker (reference understood by Star Wars fans, if you don't get it then serves you right for reading something about Star Wars!). This battle is rather lackluster as you spam lighting and lightsabre at it until its hitpoints reach a certian amount to which you then "Simon says" your way to victory. By that I mean if you've played God of War it's the same thing where a button displays and you react by pressing it when prompted to see a pretty attack that you would otherwise be too stupid to do if the developers gave you the button sequence to do it normally....feel the force of my disdain!
Conclusion: I'll probably buy it.
*may the force be kickin' it real dawg, peace!*
Forgot this Existed

So I'm thumbing through google under the search of 'Acefondu' because I am indeed that vain, and stumble across this little ditty of a website. Yes I am indeed aware that I am associated with Start Button News no matter how zealously I deny the claims. Google generously links me to the one and only post I have sent to this relatively barren wasteland of a blog submitted back in 2006. How fortuitous for me that I have now discovered a way to mitigate my boredom by wielding the might of the 26 letter alphabet (checks to ensure Cuba hasn't added that sensual 27th letter....good).
So without further ado or do-do if you're 5 years old, I shall type up a review of the Star Wars: Forced Unleashed demo and a few other things if I have time.
*search 'acefondu' on google. You'll get 10 pages of my gaming insights on various websites, you know better ones than this...haha.*
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Watch Out Favre!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Madden 2009 Review
Now there was a big to-do about the cover athlete Brett Favre, and if you listen to the podcast you should be up to date with the latest on him. Since he was traded to the New York Jets, this prompted EA to create a new cover with Favre in a Jets uniform available for you to download an print off.
Now one of the new "features" to this year's edition is the ability to rewind. Basically this gives you a do over, and in single player having it once is alright, but having it as unlimited has proven to be not only cheap, but also the only way the Lions can make it to the Super Bowl. Now if you happen to be playing against a friend...TURN IT OFF BEFORE YOU START!!!! This is the worst feature to be allowed in multi-player. I can force a fumble or an INT but with a tap of the button it brings the play back for a do over. After the second game of trying this feature, my friend and I agreeded to no use this ever again in multiplayer.
The graphics look great, there is always a improvement over the previous year's installment. However, and this is nitpicking on my part, but at the begining of the game when they show the stadium that the game is going to be played. Now being from Detroit, I know the area around Ford Field. I am really dissapointed on how horrible the stadium look and the fact that they have the wrong building in the skyline. More so that they have the buildings in the wrong locations.
This is a nice an full game, but it gets old kinda quick. Maybe Madden 2010 will be better... but without having any compition, I have my doubts.
7 out of 10
